All her dreams are made of strawberry lemonade . . .

I don't like playstation ...

..........but I'm willing to make a small exception if you want to buy me this. Yep.

It's pretty damn sexy. Rawr.

P.S. The Wii kicks everyone's ass. That's a fact.

You ain't seen nothing like me yet....

When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one there to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong

I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling down the avenue
There's nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging on the rollin' sea
And on the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing like me yet

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
To make you feel my love

[ to make you feel my love - b.dylan ]

Stay up til 4 in the morning..

Blahhhhhhhh... insomnia kicks my ass everytime.
and thoughts run rampant through my sad and tired mind.
and lately it seems like it's always the same scene
being played over and over again on some sort of repeat

just how much control do we have over our choices
and can you alter the paths by loudening our voices?
when you have no idea of what lies ahead of you
never sure, never knowing of the things you should do.

guarantees, there are none. it's a risk all around
and the stakes are real high... so much shit going down.
you can't pick, unless you know. there's no choice but to try
hesitation. bad decisions. my emotions running dry...

there's a track you have to keep on.. push ahead.. and keep on going
leave behind the chance of greatness.. there's no way of ever knowing.
but you tried. and you've cried. and all hope has dimmed this time
with every reason and every season that you phrase into your rhyme.

but never once can i catch a glimpse of what is going on inside
and to be quite honest over here, i think you're taking me for a ride.
it's always riddles and it's always this and it's always not really defined.
it's so much easier to hide behind your loss, and continue being blind.

so.. i stay awake. with randomness. and many thoughts all gone awry
as i question everything you do. and every reason why..
cuz i just don't buy it that easily.. and maybe i'm just all wrong
or maybe i've just seen the things i've wanted to all along....

Nokia wins. Gwen loses.

i FINALLY bought a new cell phone today.. since I lost mine a week ago. Go me. I went back to my trusted brand.. NOKIA.. since they are simply the best phones ever. End of story. It's not even up for discussion. My first two cell phones were NOKIA's and i've NEVER had a problem with the hardware. My LOVELY sister even ran over my phone once.. and it was still in tip top shape.. granted.. i needed a new face plate.. lmao.. but still.. phone was perfectly fine. : ) anyhoo.. Motorola's can suck my ass. Especially the V551.. which is the worst piece of shit model ever made. You have NO idea how many times I've had to repair that crappy thing. UGH.. and apparently it's not just my phone. Seems to happen a lot to those models. And you know what? I really despise flip phones I've decided. So, Screw you flippy phones!!! I'm gunna stick to my ultra cool and chic new NOKIA cell that kicks serious ass. AND.. i have Wheel of Fortune on it.. come on babes.. it does NOT get better than that. BOOYA. check out this bad boy.. hahaaha *stolen*. . :P

It's pretty damn adorable and funkified.. and I'm happy about it. Yes I am..

K.. moving along. I'm so dead tired. I've worked EVERY day this week.. that includes my all day union steward training monday-tuesday.. and worked wed-fri. AND.. last night I had the pleasure of working all by myself.. for 5 hours. Lemme tell you what a TREAT that was. oh yah. i was ready to stab someone. repeatedly. IN THE FACE!!! ugh.. you have NO idea. bdwrer83ur38ur.. GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

okok.. i'm done. i need to go chillax a bit before i go mental on someone. pshaw... tomorrow i'm gunna party it up in oshawa.. my sister's bday partay. olé!!

lemme end this off with a link to Gwen Stefani's new video. Now, let me tell you what I think. You have NO idea how much I love this song. This song and Early Winter are my favourite tracks off the album (Wonderful Life a very close second).. so, I'm quite disappointed by the video. I just think the song is really sad and they could've done SO much with this video.. actually put a storyline to it. and not just have close-ups of Gwen Gwen Gwen.. the entire time. Don't get me wrong.. she looks absolutely STUNNING in this video. beyond gorgeous and beautiful. WOW! but seriously... ok GWEN .. i know you announce to everyone how VAIN you are all the time.. but man....this is so shit.. cuz the song is kinda fluff.. but it's personal and sad.. and you have the ability to get go crazy with creativity when making a video.. and i was expecting to see a little bit more drama.. a little bit more of a story.. a little bit more .. SOMETHING?? anything. really now.. I'm sure everyone else will bash me on this. but i don't care. it's a cheap video. and you just cheapened the song.. in my opinion.

Anyhoo, Here's the brand spankin new video of 4 in the Morning by Gwen Stefani:

K.. I'm off. I'm Gone. Happy 420 you nukka faces.. *mUaH*

much love:

I can't sleep....

I'm feeling so much better today.. but something's off.
I just can't put my finger on it...

Either way.. I'm damn proud of myself for doing something I've never ever done in my entire life.. even if the outcome wasn't as positive as I had hoped.. but hey! It's ok. It's alright. It's cool.

It was my little sister's bday today. Happy bday groovylu!!! partay on saturday. get yer drinking hats on. you know i'll be ahead of you all in that one.. haha. apparently.. i *drink a lot* (*cough*jackass*cough*).. cuz i go out and drink with friends once a week.. sometimes twice.. & i have a drinking problem? How about you go shove it up your ass? I'm a student. With no kids. It's what we doooo best. BOOYA! hahaa.. I'm totally kidding. But seriously, I'm not gunna lie.. i like having a beer in my hand when I'm out with friends. If that makes me an alki.. then OOOH WELL. you jealous whore faces. haha keeding. i love ya all. FOR REAL <33>

I lost my cell phone. I'm so distraught over it.. :((((((
Please email me your phonenumbers again. I need them!
I should have another phone by this weekend. I hope...

Insomnia sucks the bag. I even tried having some warm milk. Does that shit actually work? old wives tales.. pshaw.. lol.. anyhoo, I'm gunna have another go at that thing they call sleep. Ugh.. me and my big mouth for offering to take that morning shift.. seriously.. I need to be smacked or something. *smacks self*.

goodnight. ;)))

Big mouth strikes again!

I was so beyond smashed last night. SOOOO not a good idea. SOoooo bad and wrong on every level. Bad judgements etcetcetc. Impaired thoughts/actions. And screw drunk dialing.. how about drunk emailing? haha that's even better right? Yah.. i thought so. I think i'm going to skip the country for the next little while. If you can't reach me.. it's cuz i'm hiding under a ROCK for the next few months. *dies* Thank you to my fellow friends for your encouragement to do so. *scowls at you* hahaha... but seriously.. it's ok. I needed to get it off my chest cuz it's been too long. and i couldn't go on hiding it any longer. win or lose.. you have to choose. and i did. there you go. it's all on the table now. what if's .. what if's.. what if's act as such a hindrance. craziness..

I fell too. Sure.. cuz flying down a flight of steps in the rain, in heels.. is always fabulous. Right? SURE!!, upon reaching the bottom of the steps.. i twisted my ankle.. and smashed my knee. really good. it was bleeding all kinds. cut right through my jeans. although i didn't notice how bad i was hurt until this morning. once my head wasn't aching anymore. OH.. and the best part?? I lost my fucking cell phone. Yes. i Did. Don't know if i left it at the club or in a friend's car. I have no idea. it's GONE. and i just repaired it the other day. GREAT. it makes me happy. excited. thrilled. oh yah. it's good times indeed.

I have these courses i have to take for work.. all day tomorrow and tuesday.. up in woodbridge. so not looking fwd to it. ....... he said for comfort. that's what he said. and maybe he's right. and maybe that's why. yet i still can't walk away. and maybe deep down i really know.. but it's comfort. it's comfort. and it's there. and i like it.

Mini eggs are pure evil.. on every level. Indeed they are.

Everyone needs to watch this because it's funny as hell. FUNNY as HELL.

Mistakes we knew we were making.

And all our sins,
Come back to haunt us in the end,
To hang around and tap us on the shoulder,
And smile silent,
It's all implied,
You'll die trying to live this down,
You might as well forget it,
Still I'm convinced,
Wondering what if is the worst thing there is,

So we bottled and shelved all our regrets,
Let them ferment and came back to our senses,
Drove back home and slept a few days,
Woke up and laughed at how stupid we used to be,

And all these lines fall short of what I had in mind,
A failed attempt to capsulize a feeling,
So I just try,
Fail and try and try again,
Someday I swear I'm going to get it,
Because I'm convinced that giving in is the worst thing there is,

So we bottled and shelved all our regrets,
Let them ferment and came back to our senses,
Drove back home and slept a few days,
Woke up and laughed at how stupid we used to be,

We'll get over it,
Sad, strong, safe, and sober,
We'll move forward,
And know where we went wrong,
But you can't go home again,
You can't go home again,
You can't go home again,
You can't go home again,
You can't go home again!
You can't go home again!
You can't go home again!!!

So we bottled and shelved all our regrets,
Let them ferment and came back to our senses,
Drove back home and slept a few days,
Woke up and laughed at how stupid we used to be.

(Straylight Run)

HA! I don't look like HER!


Also available in PINK.

If you love me.. you will buy it for me.

Better if it's a bass geetar.

K, thanks.

Laziness sets in...

So, now that school's done, I'm supposed to be frantically searching for a summer job and kicking it into high gear to get myself a summer job. That doesn't seem to be happening. In fact.. I kinda just wanna sit back and sleep it off for a few days. Is that so horrible? Sure, everyone will tell me it's ok to relax a bit now that school's over and done with. But I assure you that my financial situation shall suffer greatly as a result of this.

In fact.. I've decided to keep partying to a minimum and I'm actually not going out at all this week.. except for the weekend (birthday plans and such...). With all this free time and no extra work, I'll be very easily swayed into spending more than I'm making. Then.. bye bye tuition money.

Being overstuffed from Easter doesn't help much. But I have to say, this family function went a lot smoother than usual and I had a great time. No fights or scuffles. NO SOUR MOODS. Can you believe that? None! Everyone had a great time and it was just overall fantastic. Plus, everyone was able to be included... (basically, my sister was allowed to bring her partner with her. Talk about making record breaking history!!) SO, it went fantastic and I'm very pleased with it. I've decided that I really like my sister's gf and that she'll fit in just fine. : )))
*cue applaud and tear jerking sappy music.*

Bahaha.. if you know my family.. and how extremely opinionated and ..ermm.. "eventful" we can be, then you would know that this is a really good thing indeed. Also, thanks Carro for the most amazing dinner. Your lasagna was SOOO good. And my tummy hates you for all the delicious food you made!! : ))

So... I'm gunna carry on and be a lazy sloth and maybe take a nap.. or maybe not. Or maybe watch a movie. Or maybe I'll sit here more.. or maybe take a walk in this WONDERFUL WINTER WONDERLAND we've been having. Seriously.. what the hell is up with this insanely arctic weather we've been having as of late? Snow on Easter is just what everyone wants.. isn't it? It's to make up for the lack of White Christmas I guess...... i guess!. pshaw. i hate cold.

Hope everyone had a wonderful Easter holiday. :)
much love:

High Expectations.

Me and Marc were discussing these study results that were posted in the paper the other day. Basically, it said that people with lower expectations were happier.

How exactly are they measuring this? And do I need a PhD to figure this out? I mean, OBVIOUSLY if you're not striving towards something and don't expect something, you have nothing to be disappointed with.

Anyways, our discussion went all over the table and we've agreed that there's absolutely nothing wrong with having high expectations. High expectations does not mean "unrealistic" expectations.. let's just get that out there right now.

You're worth it. You know who you are. If you have high expectations for yourself.. then why settle? Cuz lemme tell you, I've seen a fair amount of people settle.. or rather.. not care. Because they basically have no expectations. And.. hey. .. that's great for them.. But don't tell me I'm not as happy because these are the things I want.. and in the meantime, I don't intend to date a bunch of in between guys that barely even make the cut.. (no.. i don't mean that supermodel guy with the ferrari and million dollar job. those are superficial things. i'm talking about more fundamental things that mean so much more than that.)

Obviously there are exceptions to this.. as with everything else. Sometimes you can compromise or go around certain things.. but it depends on the situation and how much of an issue the problems at hand are and if they can be helped... then you can kinda wait around and see if there's possibly a chance. Who knows.. people might sometimes surprise you.

So many people are stuck on this *needing* a partner by their side. So, they don't have high expectations because they just want that person to be there. Well, I'm sorry.. but I'm not that person. I was never one to care if I had someone or not. I don't *need* someone in my life. I'm fine and dandy on my own. I have a lot on my plate and have my own stuff I need to focus on. I'm not living my life for someone else. I'm living my life for me.

It's not always all about me. I love my family. I love my friends. They all are important to me. But when it comes to my plans in life, it IS about me. Why shouldn't it be?? And if i hold such high expectations for myself, why should I accept anything less from someone else? I wouldn't be content with someone who wasn't on the same page as me.. but isn't that everyone? It just seems logical to me.

There's too much to talk about on this topic.. so, I'm just going to end this here. Feel free to comment and add your own input. I'm curious to hear what others have to say on the subject.

I don't want to fit into this predesigned mold.
I'm going to make my own shape.
However warped and disfigured it may appear to the rest of the world.

Broken Telephone.

Seriously.. if anyone's trying to get a hold of me

don't text message me..!!!!! cuz my cell fone is completely busted.
i can't read shit.
i can't even turn the power on.

Leave a MESSAGE if you need me and
I've had people leave me messages but I can't call them back
cuz i don't know their number by memory..
they're all programmed into my phone.
and.. yah. well, .. you get the picture...

SO.. too bad if you think I'm ignoring you.
but i have no other way to relay msgs.

I seriously need to start writing people's numbers in a phone book.
a PAPER one.
the good old fashioned way.
hells yah.

On another side note.. that's not all that's busted up.

My knee is totally fuct up and i'm limping around...
ever so graciously.

THANK YOU crazy pscyho rep team. I appreciate your cunning shots on goal..err.. to the players limbs/faces.

I have an exam tomorrow. Why the fuck am i still up?

: )))

________ poetry corner________

By today. By tomorrow. Never knowing where I'm going.
Ever cautious. Ever glowing. Every frowning. Never showing.
Out or in. I'm just the same. As all you do. Each every part.
You'd think I'd learn my lesson well. Keep going right back to the start.

I Blame you. I blame me. I blame the past. of yours and mine alike.
I blame the time. I hate the time. Cuz timing has to be just right.
I see no difference. I see no change. I see the sun shine each time i see your face.
I call you twisted. I call you worse. But I'm just as bad for staying in this race.

en garde!!

A penny for your thoughts...

I used to think I'd give anything to know what you were thinking.

But now I'm not so sure anymore.

They say people aren't mind readers...

They say.

Lately, I'm thinking that I might just keep that penny for myself.
Spend it on something much wiser than you.

Everyone is damaged.
But some aren't repairable.
Some don't want to be fixed.
Some like to be broken.

Some like to stay broken.

Some are a lot like you.


Bruises, Cellular Smash-ups & Scherzo.

I am SO beyond exhausted right now. I had my wind symphony concerto today. It went very well. Thanks to everyone who came out.. and for R who parked way down in butt fuck idaho and jogging to make sure he didn't miss my show. Punctual as usual......... teehee. i'm just buggin you. Thanks so much for coming out!! :))))))

My favourite piece this term was this student piece called "Scherzo".. by Louie Madrid Calleja. AMAZING! what a nice change from last year's student piece which was absolutely the most horrendous thing I've ever had the misfortune of ever having to play.. the audience's ears were bleeding. haha and no, I'm not lying. it really was *THAT* bad. Anyways, you're very fortunate to get to listen to it!! No.. not the shitty piece. the GOOD one..

: ))) hehe

This isn't actually us playing it... although I did happen to get it on video but I'm not sure if I'll be able to upload it or not. This is the premiere of it. The sound isn't the same as ours was today because the acoustics in our recital hall are much different than this church.. plus, our symphony is much larger than their ensemble. But definitely check it out. It's a really beautiful piece and I loved playing it. Definitely one of my all-time favourites.

After our symphony recital, I had to rush home and have dinner and then rush off again cuz we had our game. and what a mess it was!!! I was completely exhausted not wanting to even play.. but it's a damn good thing we even showed up because NOBODY did and they were about to forfeit! SO basically.. we were JUST enough players - 5 on the field and the goalie. and i had to stay on and i was going to die! I'm like.. "are you fucking kidding me??" here i am dying cuz i had barely any sleep.. out til the wee hours of the morning all weekend..full rehearsals all weekend and this morning and then the concert.. and now i have to play the entire GAME??????? *dies*.. luckily.. two other players showed up later on and we were able to do some switches. But oh.. the fun doesn't end there. We were playing a rep team. (rep team = experienced/sponsored/pro team) and since we don't have enough teams on our league, we need to play one rep team in the season. and hey! this wasn't just ANY rep team.. this was a pretty "SPECIAL" rep team. They were out to kill or something. I've never seen anyone kick the ball SO violently in my life. I have the imprint of the ball all up my right arm.I I'm not kidding. my wrist nearly ripped off.. with lovely indents and red markings all across it.. And my right leg is looking pretty spectacular and PURPLE all the way up and down.. MmmHmm.. pretty sexeh!!.. oh yah.. and one gurl violently body checked one of our players with FULL force.. and i was like "HEY!!!" and the ref blew the whistle on her.. and she turns and is like "what...?? she threw herself in front of me!"........ umm. OK?? yes. she THREW herself under your forceful elbows and arms that were coming down onto her at full force when she wasn't even near you. RIGHT. SO.. yes, needless to say they were playing very dirty and were being very underhanded. Our league is only recreational and they were really out of line and then whining and crying when the ref called them on all their shit. I hate when people have POOR sportsmanship. It ruins the game for everyone else. Sure you wanna win.. but at the end of the day you're just out there to have a little fun and play some ball. Not to spill blood.. :-//////

Anyways.. as if my day wasn't already jam packed with all sorts of goodness... my cell phone smashed onto the floor and ........... isn't working now. Isn't that FABULOUS? I think it is. Pretty darn hilarious and stuff.. yah.. umm.. i'm gunna go shoot someone now. lol.. but seriously, I'm waiting on calls for job interviews so, now I have NO idea what I'm going to do.. because you see.. I'm due for an upgrade in THREE weeks. I refuse to pay to repair my (fucking piece of shit motorola v551) cell phone when I'm getting an upgrade in three weeks. THREE FUCKING WEEKS! you piece of shit phone.. you just HAD to fall apart on me JUST now.> UGH. haha man, as you can imagine.. I'm in quite the lovely mood. hehe The other great thing is that i didn't save my phone numbers into my SIM card.. so, now i have NO access to absolutely NONE of the stuff on my phone. OH GREAT. this makes me so happy in my pants. you have NO idea..... *cries*.................... lol I'm gunna beg and plead with Roger's to have them let me upgrade sooner. i mean.. COME ON! it's just THREE weeks.. in a two year contract.. does it REALLY MATTER??? pshaw.. i have lots of friends who work at Roger', maybe they can pull some strings for me.. Hrmmm.... On that note.. If i had your number before.. you might want to email me it again.. since i don't HAVE it anymore.> GOOD TIMES!!!!!!!!!!

Anyways, i have a shitload of stuff to do.. which includes studying for my last exams. and then i'm DONE for the summer. BOOYA! that's two years. DONE. how fabulous is that? Time sure is going by quickly. I'm excited about that. : )))))

Wish me luck.