All her dreams are made of strawberry lemonade . . .


it's meeeeeeeee! and all seems to be fine and dandy in the world that is giusi.
6 months has gone by with the most lovely person by my side. love is a beautiful thing indeed.

so... since this year seems to be coming to an end, i'd like to end it off with things i need more of in my life. So here's my list........................... hold on tight!!! ^__^

{ -- Giusi's Top 10 List -- }
.: of what she needs more of in her already fruitful life :.

1. BLOGGING: Yes..yes.. i say it over and over again that I suck at keeping up with my blog. I'm mostly busy all the time. But seeing as my path is going to change yet again.. i think i'm going to need more organization in my life.. with all the chaos around me constantly.. i need some consistency of things i love to do. and this is one of them. w00t w00t.

speaking of which.. i'd like to shoutout my new favourite blog Hawaii Kawaii Blog ... it has super duper amazingness explosion ALL the time.. and it's most adorable and lovely. I'm in love with it's cuteness galore!! ^__^

and of course... and old favourite.. the cute institute.. never fails to impress with it's uber kawaii vectors and great stuffs. be sure to check them both out and favourite them!!

2. FOTO TAKING: My foto taking skillz seems to be limited cell fone snaps and instagrams as of late. a very limited and cheating method if you ask me. I hope to take more time in my new year to focus on photography as i used to. I barely take pix of myself anymore either.. lol what's up with that?? hahaha my poor Flickr has been neglected so much in the last few months. It's time to get snapping again and photoshopping. I miss my cool edits... which brings me to my second edition of a 365. Which I am unsure when i will resume.. I'm currently working on scrapbooking my first one. I'm not even a quarter of the way done. 365 pix is a lot to get through.. i'm barely up to foto #30! hahaha lazy bones that i am. but hey.. i will get there.. slowly but surely!!! :D

3. HEALTHY HABITS: I've reached a totally yucky point in my life in terms of health and how i feel and look etc.. last year I injured my ankle badly in soccer (football)... and well, ever since then.. it's never been the same. It's in constant pain.. I can no longer exercise or walk for long or anything. I'm not sure what to dealio is.. and it's undoubtedly my own fault for leaving the injury alone thinking it was just a mild sprain and going off gallivanting in New York city.. walking 8 hour days from upper manhattan to Greenwich village & Soho.. and then re-registering to soccer whilst it was still completely effed up. Good job girl! needless to say.. my ankle is totally FUBAR right now. and with that.. came yuckie emotions and all those lovely girly things we get... which in turn meant i put on a whole whack load of weight. which sucks. A LOT!!! so, i'm determind to change that and get back to the part i was this time this year.. which was pretty alright! and maybe even better. But it's a hard thing to do with the pain of my ankle.. hopefully, leaving my job will help a bundle.. as I'm sure it added to the wreckage of my injury.. but we'll see. it shall be amazing once again.. or close to it. I can't wait to become a healthier more in tune me. Right now I'm consulting with a naturopathic nutritionist to aide in my journey to inner wholesomeness. wish me LUCK!!! :))))))

4. INK: yesssssssss I need more INK in my life. hahahaha I have a whole series of tattoos I need to get sooon. I've been waiting on forever! THere are two that i have drawn out myself that I have been waiting on.. and i'm going to get one this month I've decided. Waiting forever is just nonsense. and i've waited a long time already. It's been 3 years since my last one. Time for new lovely ink on me. ANd POOOOOO to the people who have anything negative to say about it. Suck it. I govern my own body. You govern yours.

5. HARAJUKU LOVERS BAG: I've been dying to get a Harajuku lovers bag forever... and a super cute one.. the knock off one i own from Pacific Mall is cute.. but not enough. I want a real one. NOW. lol and i'm SOOO upset that when I went to Macy's in the US last weekend they weren't even CARRYING THEM! what is UP with that?? darn it all to HELL man! anyhoo.. i have my sights set on this particular one that i wanted from the start... hope i get it. ;)))

6. FRUITS & VEGGIES: hahaha you'd think being a vegetarian would mean i eat plenty of these.. but believe me when i say.. IT's a MYTH!!! lol... i'm probably more of a CARBATARIAN than anything else. ... ( i swear it's CUZ OF my ITALIAN roooots.. i lubbb my pasta and breads!! nom nom nom!!) which is totally bad bad bad for you. Let me make that clear.. not to say that carbs are bad for you.. cuz they're totally not.. and you need your 6-8 servings of whole grains per day! but most of us aren't even getting the good kinds of whole grains you should be having. like all those white breads and crusty breads.. mostly bad for you.. the wheat has been so processed and bleached..and the more refinery done to our wheat and such.. the worse for you. SO.. i need to curb my delicious starchy foods.. and opt for healthier ones.. and include WAY WAY more fruits in my life. I'm fruit deprived in a major way. i know.. horrible. *sad face*... so i'm gunna stuff my face with a billion apples and pears and such this new year. i PROMISE!! hehehe :))))))) i guess my title of *fruitful* life is a LIE isn't it?? Haaaa i'm so funnny.... *eyeroll*...

7. VACATIONS: oh yaaaaaaaah boy!!! I know i went to Myrtle beach this summer.. but it wasn't much of a vacation cuz i felt like we were arguing all week.. family trips can get a little tense like that sometimes.. hehehe so, hopefully me and my boo can plan something totally rad and amazing for the new year. but we'll seeeeeee... in the meantime.. i'm planning a california Trip to go visit my TOTALLY rad and Amazing friend Miss Puss whom i ADORE like MAD! cuz she's so totally wicked and awesome and a truly special and fantastical person!! i swear! since she already made the trek here (and in the SNOWWWWWWW TOO!) i'm gunna cart my ass over there.. cuz i've been dying to go to cali forever! my other friend who lives in San Diego may get a mini visit too.. we shall see. She may come up to see me though. but anyhoo.. VACATIONS ARE IN MY NEAR FUTURE!! yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! ^__^

8. MORE CONCERTS: I'm actually super duper insanely jealous and sad that a certain someone is at some concert right now with TAKING BACK SUNDAY, BUSH and SUBLIME!!!!! and i'm NOT!! and they don't even LIKE THESE BANDS!!!! *HMPH*... the sweet words "i wish you were here with me" isn't very comforting at the moment... waaaaaaaaaaah!!! so cryin on the inside.. and the OUTSIDE even!! i'm jealous of you. a lot. a lot a lot. not only do i not get to see you for an ENTIRE WEEK.. but you have to rub it in and go watch all these flippin bands i adore. THANKS A BUNCH baby! *GRRRRRRRRRRRRR* so.. with that said.. i definitely plan on seeing more shows this year.. cuz i'm jonzin hardcore for music and live shows. I saw Taking Back Sunday already this year.. so i don't feel totally horrible about it. I love them a lot... :))) but i'm scanning ticketmaster constantly for BUSH to come to TOronto. HURRY UP! the kills have a show in the new year. i'd love to go see them. they are pretty amazing! :))))) let's see what else is out there for me!! yay MUSIC! yay BANDS! yay ya YA YA YAYA!!!!!

9. SYMPHONY: soooooooooo.. this lady at my work says that she volunteers for the toronto symphony all the time.. and they always look for people.. i'm totally into the idea of doing this! i'm looking into it as we speak and getting some extra funds to repair my poor clarinet *sad face* that broke during my last year in wind symphony at YOrk U. waaah! the poor lill thing..... once i get it all fixored up, i'm gunna practice a shitload and email all these places in Toronto and see what i can do. the feeling of playing in an ensemble is incomparable.. trust ME! it is the most fulfilling feeling ever.. and it's so beautiful and vibrant and i cannot wait to be part of that again. so..i really sincerely hope to get going towards that soon soon SOON! :))))

10. BORING HAIR: actually.. this is what i'm gunna "need" in the new year.. but DON'T want.. :((((((((((((( and i'm dreading it a lot.. so, i'm gunna have super insane hair for the next few weeks to get it out of my system. Seeing as I'm gunna have to start interviewing for some job positions in the new year, I'm totally gunna need grown-up boring hair.. and that makes me super duper sad.. you have NO idea!!! i have like semi shaved punky hair with all kinds of pink and rad colours all over it for the past little while.. and to know i have to get rid of all that to find myself a job makes me very tearful and sad. Stupid world and it's conformists. You suck the bag! a lot.. :(((((((((((((((((((((((((

sooooooooooooooooo... there you have it. My lovely list of things i need in the new year. of fabulouslessness (and no so fabuloussness..) but hey. dems the breaks. I'm happy to write new stuffs. and i wish very merry love to everyone. I can't believe it's already December! wowwieee! Happy end of the year to ALL! Be good for SANTA! and mostly for you!

much love:
~Giusi .xoxo.

Anything at all...

one look
from you
i drift
i pray
that you
are here
to stay

anything you want
you got it
anything you need
you got it
anything at all
you got it

My life in instagram.

I never blog anymore. I don't have the time. Nor the interest in it. Plus, I did not have internet for a while there.. and plus I am never home anymore. But I wanted to post some pix because I'm thoroughly obsessed with instagram. And the neatness of it. Aren't I such a cool kid.. (not). Anyhoo, I felt it important to share that I thought that every foto should, from now on, only be taken in instagram. Because it's far more fun & spectacular that way. Word.

Oh, I also wanted to add that I've decided to scrapbook my 365 project. I went to Michael's with MissC today and there were aisles and aisles rammed with scrapbook stuffs. Holy hell man.. who knew this shit was this bad ass and popular! I'm completely obsessed about it! I cannot wait to get started and make all kinds of cuteness and radness happen all over that shizz. Stay tuned for foto updates. Most probably in instagram format.. hehe ;)

So, I've decided to leave it all behind me and trek on forward. December 11th is the final day of work for me from the place I've been with for 17 years. Insanity, huh? I'd say... I'll be glad to finally shut that door. Onward to far better and much more rewarding endeavors. Plus my back effin aches. A lot. Oww..

P.S. I turned 33 last week. And I totally got 12 .. YES 12.. bars of Dairy Milk MINT chocolate for my bday.. hahahah fucking NUTSO!! and SOOO YUMMMO!!! *drooooL*.
Hooray for ME!! And for all the awesomeness to come.

Here's to brand new beginnings. Cheers!

much love:
~G .xoxo.

and so it is....

I actually don't have a whole lot to write. I just kinda wanted to post a quick teensie little foto montage of shite... just cuz I'm always neglecting my blog. I can't help it really.. I don't have anything life altering to share ... and plus these days I'm barely ever home anymore...

I actually kinda have a lot to say.. but it's probably just a bunch of emotional jibberish.. So, I've been thinking I should just keep it to myself. Cuz i'm really not so sure about a lot of stuff right at this moment. I mean A LOT of stuff. And i'm beginning to think I have major delusional tendencies about certain things.. in terms of what I believe to be true... and what is in fact true.. and I'm beginning to think that nothing has ever been true that I perceived to be true... and I'm sure that's probably not making much sense. And I'm not so sure it makes any sense to me.. because i'm so friggen confused right now about everything.... : /// but as i said.. it's best I keep it to myself.. Because I'm sure I come across as this erratic over emotional crack head over here.. HAaa.... so, I'll leave my emotions for my friends.. and for my poetry.

p.s. Keep in mind that you can check out my tumblr page for more frequent posts of pretty pictures, stuffs and musica.

Anyhoo.. let's get on with the fotos..shall we? :))))

my little sister is finally onto her dirty thirties.. that makes me officially an OLD FART!

i just about fainted when i saw this. PINK? and a PIRATE? ... i'm so SOLD. :))))

i got all fancy with my nails the other day... yup. them be cherry blossoms on my nails. fucking fancy huh?? ;D

Held by knifepoint.. little Bobby didn't stand a chance.

me and my sister are sportin' matchin braces... hahaha soccer injuries are quite becoming in our family. woot woot ;D

well the same white line that was drawn on you.. was drawn on me.. and now it's drawn me in.... 6th avenue heartache...........

and that's pretty much it... and i'm gunna end it with this picture.. because i fucking love it and it makes me laugh. BEcause it's absolutely fucking amazing. and Natalie Dee is the shit. I'm sure everyone already knows that.. but in case you don't.. she totally is. SO.. hope you all had a very Happy EASTER and mucho hugs and kisses to everyone! Especially you. :)))) .xoxo.

an entry because i was scolded.

The other day, somebody essentially gave me crap for no longer posting entries on my blogspot. Well, I apologize for that. I've honestly been so insanely busy.. plus I've been sick SO much this past winter. I couldn't figure it out for the life of me until someone explained it's cuz the girls are in daycare this year. The germ infested waters of such a place is sure to bring the strongest of us crashin to our knees.. well, at least I know it's not because my immune system has suddenly been compromised.

The truth is, there is SO much going on in my life right now... yet NOTHING is going on. You know.. I dread that question that my friends ask me everytime we catch up over coffee, dinner or drinks every few months. "What's new?"


Nothing is new. Absolutely nothing. well, yes.. some things are new to me... some things are big for me.. some things are rocking my mental and emotional state for me.. but in the grande scheme of things... i have nothing to report to the outside world that would be substantial material to classify under this "NEW" category. So, I often dread those meet-ups and reunions. So, I don't have to repeat the same, tired, worn out phrase... "nothing's new".

Oh, well, I guess I have something sort of new.. I currently have a brace on my ankle that I was fitted for at the hospital this past Friday. The doctor informed me that my injury was a little worse than a simple sprain.. and that I am not to play soccer anymore. Oh.. JOY.. oh BLISS. this is fantastic... considering i'm the captain of the team, you can imagine how IMPRESSED I am with this outcome. *insert extreme annoyed eyeroll here*. The injury is from last season. It was the end of the season when I got it.. (we played some team who were really rough & aggressive. they took out 3 of our players.. including me and my ankle. fun times). I was out for the playoffs. Figured the 7 weeks we had off in between seasons was sufficient for healing. The doctor informed me, it was not. And.. I'm the most stubborn person that I know. But.. I am no good to anyone with a fukked up ankle.. so, alas.. I had to give in and take the good doctors advice. But, I had to put my foot down at the air cast.. which she wanted me to wear instead. I disagreed and said I don't want it... mostly because they wouldn't allow me to work if I was wearing it. So, I settled for the brace.. which makes me look like I have a robo-ankle/leg. Good times. No.. not really. I have an appointment with the fracture clinic in 2 weeks to see the sports injury doctor. He tells me how bad the injury is, how long I have to wear this annoying brace and exactly when I can play soccer again. I hope it's soon. I really love playing.. :((((

So, I guess that's about as new as you're going to get in terms of information and news from my part. Fun times.

Apart from that............................. I am tremendously exhausted these days. I'm so terribly confused at the moment. I have no idea what's going, really... I am in this really intense state of confusion.. and it's draining. It seems to have overtaken me ever so effortlessly..... I don't know what to make of it. Just this feeling left in the pit of my stomach.. leaving me wondering... "I don't think this is a good idea........". But yet it is in some ways. And I'm sure I'm rambling in ways that make no sense to anyone else right now. But that's ok. And maybe it'll make sense one day. And maybe this is supposed to be happening right now. Who knows. Leave it to me to find such beauty in so much destruction and chaos.... ah....... how we love the ones that burn so bright and fierce. *sigh*

So... I guess since I really have nothing new to report.. I'll end off here. And say Hey.. I'm alive..and ok I guess. Though nothing at all is making sense to me at the moment.. but I'm hoping in time the fog will clear and I'll figure it out. I always do.

I'll end this post with a picture of my mom. She just turned 65 two weeks ago. And she's the most amazing & stunning person ever. I love my mommy the mostest and she is the best mamma anyone could ever ask for.

much love:
~G .xoxo.

p.s. here's to some mornings that are perfect. and my famous banana chocolate chip pancakes.
:)))) cheers!

a little something refreshing.

once there was this boy.. who was really really sweet. and he played the drums. and he was kinda crazy about me. and it was really adorable. he was way beyond cute and had the most perfect smile and teeth. but he was way too young and we eventually drifted apart. but every now and again, he crosses my mind and his incredible untarnished sweetness makes me smile. thanks for being a part of my painting.
: )))

this was his song for me. i haven't heard it in years and i forgot i had the mp3. this will always be the nicest song .. just for me.
from the boy who played drums.. and drew my name in the snow. ♥

the end of an anchor

I'm here sipping on my timmy's catching up with an old friend of mine. We haven't had a proper conversation in ages! Asking me about stuff from way back when.. so, I updated him. It got me thinking about a lot of stuff.

I stopped wondering about how things happened, why things happened and if things really did happen and a bunch of other stuff. There's no point in rehashing stuff that makes no sense but plainly put, just doesn't matter anymore.

This year is a very different one for me. I feel a sense of maturity and clarity that was never there before. It's a good thing. It's a comforting thing in a way. But most importantly, I feel positive, relaxed and quite satisfied with what is going on and what is to come.

You know, looking back.. at all those times my past partner accused me of unfaithfulness, it makes all the sense in the world now. I never once did actually venture off or stray at any point.. even though I surely had enough motivation to do so and probably just as much right. But I didn't. Not even once. I'm sure he thought otherwise. He could think otherwise for the rest of his days for all I care. What he believes doesn't affect me or matter in the grand scheme of things. Because, it's evident that his accusations were merely projections of what he, in fact, was very guilty of. But he got a lot more than he bargained for. So, that isn't my concern anymore. But I know now that a million other previous experiences were all the same. Now, it all means nothing to me.

It's funny how someone can go from being the number one spot in your heart to be completely nothing at all. It's a little sad in a way. I wish I could've kept some of the good memories and thoughts and feelings. But they've all completely vanished. Gone. They are all gone. The devestation from the betrayal completely wiped out that section of my hard drive.. if that makes any sense. It doesn't to me. But it's what happened. Such is how things go I guess.

It seems as if I keep spitting out a repeat of things. But I'm not really. I feel as if the only way to wipe any slate clean is to attack those last lingering thoughts that float through the air so that they can eventually vanish forever. It's all a part of the ongoing process of moving so far away from having been in an awful and dark place for far too long.

I think back on the years of my life.. and half the time I barely remember events. I say things like "that happened?" or "when was that?" or a series of other things. Just a blank and sterile palate that I was dragging through for such a long long time.

I feel as if my plate of food finally has some seasoning in it. If that makes any sense at all. I can taste life again. I can taste it.. and boy, does it taste wonderful. It tastes so delicious. I'm in love with life all over again. I've shed this cape of wretched darkness that's been over my shoulders for such a long time.. and I'm not even sure how or when it happened. I just know that it has happened and it's pretty amazing. I sound like such a freak going on about my positivity.. so, I'll shut up now.

Sunday will be 2 years that my cousin Giacomo has been gone. I cannot believe that it's been 2 years already. I miss him all the time. I wish my family were closer together. I wish he didn't die in vain and that everyone would lose their malicious ways. But that never happened. And I'm sorry Giacomo. I'm sorry that no one can be humble and kind and look past their selfish and hideous ways and hold an open hand out to their brothers and sisters. I'm sorry for such ugliness. I hope it will change one day... I still miss you and think of you often. You're a bright star in my sky for always.

I think I want to leave here. I'm pretty sure I do. I'm not sure where yet. I'm looking into it. Most likely out of the province or out of the country.. or even continent. I am hoping that by 2012, I will have a clearer idea of where I will start things new. I think I've done all that I can do where I am here and I need to leave here and experience something entirely new and different. This place just doesn't cut it for me anymore. I find it to be dull and lifeless and I find no joy in Toronto city life. My time here has definitely drawn to an end. Once I get the rest of my stuff sorted out, I can finally move forward.. and with my workplace changing over and me taking the buy out and finally leaving the company (HALLELUJAH!).. I can start fresh somewhere else. I'm quite excited. Hooray for new beginnings.

Yann Tiersen is performing at the Mod Club. You have no idea how amazing and fabulous that is to know. If you don't know who that is.. then you need to find out. Because you're seriously lacking in your life if you do not know the likes of him.

I guess I've said all I've needed to say. I've dealt with any last lingering floaties that hovered around my head and such. Wanted to start the year right and banish any remnants of undesirable feelings and thoughts that stuck on the bottom of my shoe. You know how it is.

I do want to add... that I am still so madly in love. I do use the term madly.. because I am completely MAD and insane for feeling this way.. because I do not even understand it myself... nor do I wish to keep it around. It makes no sense to me at all. It should go away. Just leave.. I feel like a crazy person most days for having such enormous feelings for something I cannot even begin to explain or even justify. Seriously. It's insanity in its finest form. Lord help me... haha No, really though. If ever there was one perfect person on this planet that is the most perfectly matched and in tune with me.. then it would undoubtedly be him. But.. I guess not. For it is not in the cards to be that way. Because how can such feelings be so one sided? Or maybe this is just my one taste of unrequited love for all the times those people were in love with me when I never loved them back. But surely they were not really in love with me. I hardly knew them and we shared nothing intimately. But, whatever the reason... there isn't anything I can do about it. So, I do what I do best. I run. I run away from things.. I cannot handle or control or cannot comprehend... I run away as fast and as far as I can. I run away.

So.. I'll go finish doing the many little things that need to be done. Listen to some amazing music (btw have you heard of Kate Nash, Missy Higgins & Ingrid Michaelson? No? well, you should.. they are all very fine artists. Brilliant arists. please check them out.) And I will leave you with this most amazing picture of my cat Lilly... who is always up to no good. And this picture makes me laugh so much every time I look at it. So, I have to share with everyone. If you haven't already seen it posted on my twitter or facebook. Have an awesome weekend. And Happy new year to all of you. the BEST of wishes. :))))) .xoxo.

{ she is a goddamned spy }

a little add-on:
after i posted this i realized that perhaps i was a bit hasty.. and some of the things i wrote weren't necessarily what i was feeling.. but more of a what i had been feeling or what i thought i was feeling. but not so much what i was really feeling. what i'm really feeling would require an entire post on its own. but nevertheless.. there were definitely some truths to it.. or seemingly truths.. because it's hard to tell the difference sometimes. because other times it makes me sick to my stomach and i get so angry at myself at how i would waste such sentiment on someone who clearly does not deserve any of it. there are far more remarkable people out there. and heaven only knows why i seem to be stuck on this one wasted case. there no longer is a reason to pull back to the scene.. and i've come to the conclusion that it's not a scene i want to be in anymore. of painted scenarios in my head... but don't kid yourself into thinking that nothing was never there. because there was. and only a complete fool would deny that. but that's all in the past now. and hand holding in the car and all those other little elements will be chalked up to my own imagination running rampant again. because i guess.... that's what you want me to believe. so, then.. i will. and that.. is the end of that. fare thee well.