All her dreams are made of strawberry lemonade . . .

Everything has changed...

You're not the same at all..

        "You weren't fair
        You never were
        You weren't all
        But that's not fair
        I gave you life
        I gave my all
        You weren't there
        You let me fall..."

You know that feeling of the rug being pulled from underneath you? That's probably a huge understatement about how I'm feeling right about now.

I've always been a very emotional person.. not because I'm a weepy person.. but my emotions have always been so strong and intense.. and it's hard for me to keep them under control sometimes and under wraps. I react quickly.. but hey, I'm honest and I'm true.. and you know that what you're getting is for real.. and alive. Not just some lifeless log who couldn't care less whether or not anything in their life came or went.. acting completely unresponsive, cold and so indifferent. I don't understand that at all.. and it really fucking hurts more than you'll ever know.

You think you really know someone.. that someone you'd fight for 'til the last of days. You think that maybe you meant a fraction of something to that someone. Maybe for an instant only.. or maybe never. But.. that person is just not the same person at all. Just a cold and hard wall of blank nothingness. I am so completely sickened by the thought of everything right now. I don't know if I should yell or scream or cry or die.. To think that something that was the most important thing to you.. well, that you were really only there to pass the time with in the daily grind of life. Really nice, huh? I know so many people will say, "Why are you so surprised? You should have known better." But the truth is.. I honestly didn't know better. And my heart told me to go for it.. because this time.. it was right. How could I be so wrong? How could my gut instinct be SO dead wrong this time around? How could it fail me? I'm so speechless from the lack of reaction and care and concern.... and what bothers me more than anything else is that all that ever was in the past.. the most glorious of days.. the most happy of times... the most purest of loves.. has being completely and entirely replaced with these new harsh memories. Of cold, vacant, dry, uncaring and empty moments that, in the end, really meant nothing at all. I'm devastated and there isn't a damn thing that I can do about it.. cuz it has nothing to do with me anymore. I was never an important piece of the game plan. Maybe for a fleeting moment I was .. but it vanished quickly.. and ever so effortlessly... and I finally just realized, that all my love was in vain. All of it. and I hate to have to write it on here.. but I need to say it out loud.. because I need to acknowledge how *real* this is.. and that all of this really did happen.. the way I think it did. The way I know it did. The way I can't believe it did...
: (

I wasn't expecting this at all.. and yes.. yes, I am surprised. Yes, I am hurt. Yes, I am so destroyed by this. Yes, I'm angry. Yes, I'm disgusted. Yes, I'm horrified. Yes, I'm sad. Yes, I'm completely heartbroken.
: (

Thank you for tarnishing all my good memories and erasing anything positive that I had left of us.

Now... from all that there ever was... there will remain absolutely nothing.

"Washed up on the shore
Given one last chance
To try some more
But I'm tired, I'm freezing
Let's stop and call it history."

Thank You. ♥

The past few weeks have been really hard for me. I'm going through a rough patch I guess you can say. Mainly with the stress of my parents health, my own health.. school starting.. these long ridiculous hours I've been working and it being a new job on top of that.. and then.. this very tiring and mournful matter of the heart that has taken all that was left completely out of me.. which I never thought could be possible... but it was. :(

Today, the young girls I've been training all week surprised me with a 'Thank You' card. I was so touched by their action and it really brightened my day. They were so thankful that I was training them and how nice and helpful and patient I was being with them (even though it's just part of my job.. ) that they went out of their way to choose a card for me and sign it with some very nice, thoughtful words. This has got to be one of the sweetest things ever and it meant so much to me. The highlight of my day.. my week! It's so very nice to know there are genuine people who really do care out there.. and maybe all is not in vain. Who knows.. but I'm very thankful for them to have shown me their own gratitude with this extremely sweet gesture of theirs.

A little Thank You.. really does go a very long way. :)))

devi farti una ragione..

come si sente quando il proprio grande amore della tua vita..... non sceglie a te?

a pezzi??

forse... ma ti assicuro che ti senti molto più peggio di quello..

Non c'é più niente da fare...

Allora... capitolo finalmente chiuso.

La storia finisce così. Ci salutiamo.. e andiamo avanti...
.. con il tuo cuore e la tua anima completamente frantumato.

Addio... addio. :(

No big surprise, we turned out this way.

For the first time in my life I feel defeated. I don't know what to say anymore and what to think or feel. I feel as if I'm in this nebulous existence with a blur of scenes whizzing by me at record speed. I fell to the ground quickly with a big thump and now I'm standing completely still and I'm too paralyzed to move; to get up and turn around, whether forward or backward or anywhere.

I've always had this tremendous heart full of so much hope, no matter what life swung at me. I could always cope and find ways to carry on and find the light at the end of the tunnel; find the right in the midst of all the wrong. Somehow, those days seem so far away from me right now. I don't have the will to pick myself up anymore and dust myself off and plow forward. I'm so disillusioned.. no, I'm destroyed for lack of better words.. destroyed by the impact of everything that I've endured. Seems a bit dramatic maybe.. but if you could see inside my heart and soul and see the suffering that I've been through in the many years that have already past in my life.. then maybe you would understand a little bit more. I don't expect you to... I can't understand mostly anything myself these days.

I'm at a loss. I sincerely do not know how to carry on anymore... and quite frankly, I do not care to anymore...

Marble Cheddar Cheese.

This post was inspired by my little sister and the countless amounts of customers that ask me for this cheese. Ok.. SO, let me just let you on to something. Apparently, LOADS of people think that marble cheddar cheese is a blend of mozzarella and cheddar cheese.



: /

Yes! i know! RIDICULOUS! First of all, the consistency & texture of both cheeses are so different, there's no way they'd bind together so perfectly and look identical and melt together so easily. Think about it. Or not... hehe

so.. let me be the first to tell you all: THERE IS NO MOZZARELLA IN MARBLE CHEDDAR CHEESE! I think having the word CHEDDAR in the name is a dead give-away that this is in fact a cheddar cheese product. Marble cheddar is exactly what it says.. Cheddar, with a marble looking effect. How do they do this? Well, you see.. they take WHITE cheddar.. (oh my! yes! there is such a thing! in fact, cheddar is white.. and they add a natural additive/colouring to make it that dark orangey/yellow colour!).. and then they take the orange cheddar.. and MIX'em together.. and VOILA! marble cheddar! Pretty AWESOME huh? ; )

I just felt the need to inform the population of this.. because it seems to be something quite a lot of people seem to have no clue about. And for a cheese expert like myself.. *insert fromage snobbery here*.. hehehe ;) ... well, it was driving me up the wall! Yep. THat's right. I needed to set the record straight. It was vital for me to do in my lifetime. hehehe ; )

I, personally.. don't like it much. Mostly because they tend to use mild cheddar to make it. Which is bland with little or no taste. I prefer Medium to Old cheddar cheeses.

So, go cut yerself a hunk of some cheese and EAT IT and enjoy!! : )))

The end of this anchor...

This isn't how it's supposed to be.

It weighs down heavy upon my heart.
I have no words left. No actions. No fight left.
No hope. No expectations left. No surprises.. No life left.
It's all so gone.
And the only thing I have left is this emptiness
that's completely paved over what was once before.
Of a hollow feeling that means nothing in the end.
And i hate what it's become.
A mere vague scenario you casually stroll through while trying to pass through life.
I'm so saddened and i feel so little and helpless and invisible.
I feel so hopeless and futile... so detached.

It wasn't supposed to be this way... :(