All her dreams are made of strawberry lemonade . . .

You're not the same at all..

        "You weren't fair
        You never were
        You weren't all
        But that's not fair
        I gave you life
        I gave my all
        You weren't there
        You let me fall..."

You know that feeling of the rug being pulled from underneath you? That's probably a huge understatement about how I'm feeling right about now.

I've always been a very emotional person.. not because I'm a weepy person.. but my emotions have always been so strong and intense.. and it's hard for me to keep them under control sometimes and under wraps. I react quickly.. but hey, I'm honest and I'm true.. and you know that what you're getting is for real.. and alive. Not just some lifeless log who couldn't care less whether or not anything in their life came or went.. acting completely unresponsive, cold and so indifferent. I don't understand that at all.. and it really fucking hurts more than you'll ever know.

You think you really know someone.. that someone you'd fight for 'til the last of days. You think that maybe you meant a fraction of something to that someone. Maybe for an instant only.. or maybe never. But.. that person is just not the same person at all. Just a cold and hard wall of blank nothingness. I am so completely sickened by the thought of everything right now. I don't know if I should yell or scream or cry or die.. To think that something that was the most important thing to you.. well, that you were really only there to pass the time with in the daily grind of life. Really nice, huh? I know so many people will say, "Why are you so surprised? You should have known better." But the truth is.. I honestly didn't know better. And my heart told me to go for it.. because this time.. it was right. How could I be so wrong? How could my gut instinct be SO dead wrong this time around? How could it fail me? I'm so speechless from the lack of reaction and care and concern.... and what bothers me more than anything else is that all that ever was in the past.. the most glorious of days.. the most happy of times... the most purest of loves.. has being completely and entirely replaced with these new harsh memories. Of cold, vacant, dry, uncaring and empty moments that, in the end, really meant nothing at all. I'm devastated and there isn't a damn thing that I can do about it.. cuz it has nothing to do with me anymore. I was never an important piece of the game plan. Maybe for a fleeting moment I was .. but it vanished quickly.. and ever so effortlessly... and I finally just realized, that all my love was in vain. All of it. and I hate to have to write it on here.. but I need to say it out loud.. because I need to acknowledge how *real* this is.. and that all of this really did happen.. the way I think it did. The way I know it did. The way I can't believe it did...
: (

I wasn't expecting this at all.. and yes.. yes, I am surprised. Yes, I am hurt. Yes, I am so destroyed by this. Yes, I'm angry. Yes, I'm disgusted. Yes, I'm horrified. Yes, I'm sad. Yes, I'm completely heartbroken.
: (

Thank you for tarnishing all my good memories and erasing anything positive that I had left of us.

Now... from all that there ever was... there will remain absolutely nothing.

"Washed up on the shore
Given one last chance
To try some more
But I'm tired, I'm freezing
Let's stop and call it history."