All her dreams are made of strawberry lemonade . . .

Where's the Inspiration?

I really let my head cloud up in these past few weeks. I let myself get worked up over nothing and I should have known better. I should have been how I normally am: Cautious.. Unsure.. holding back... testing the waters... I'm in a whole lot of nothing here. and for what? and how the hell did I even lose myself to begin with? I've never been in this spot before..and it's a little uncomfortable and it makes me feel really uneasy.

I've been feeling so withdrawn lately.. not wanting to be around people.. not wanting to do anything.. and not really caring.. I know this feeling. I recognize it all too well.. and it's not a place I want to go to again.. yet, I find myself constantly returning to that spot.

I'm not really sure what I'm rambling on about here today. I find myself trying to escape the city.. just to be out.. to be away. In hopes that it will take my mind off things.. not make me think. It doesn't help. It makes returning home and dealing with this dullness even harder.

I've lost my drive and inspiration.. just right now. I don't know where it's gone to. I think I've been sidetracked by other things in my life.. it's no excuse but it surely is the reason. Now I find myself obsessing and thinking over something that isn't even there and wondering if it ever even existed. I'm trying so hard to pull on those reins that let those horses gallop away in the excitement.. and trying to haul their ass back on track.. back in line.. I need to collect myself.. and my thoughts. Focus. I've lost my focus.


It starts in two weeks. I've never been happier in my life to go back to school than right now. I'll be able to bury myself in exams, lectures, assignments and essays and you have no idea how thrilled I am at the prospect of that. Chaos and being swamped in a sea of deadlines. I need that so bad and I love it and welcome it with open arms. I'll be back to my regular routine. I'll be busy all the time.. probably won't see friends til the holidays.. probably won't have time for a life.. probably won't have time for me... the same ol' stuff that happens during the school year. I'm excited and I can't wait. Two more weeks and then I'll be back in focus. I'll be back on track. No more room to worry and fret over sillyness whose only purpose is to serve as a mind clouding agent. Bah! I have no time for these things in my life. Silly cat and mouse games or whatever you want to call them.

*sits tall and straightens self out*

I'll be ok. I always am.
There will always be a million more reasons to smile tomorrow and the next day.


much love: