All her dreams are made of strawberry lemonade . . .

Yes. Yes you are Pathetic & Ruined.

I didn't want to keep any old things anymore from a complete farce. I've gotten rid of mostly everything. But I never email anymore. Who the hell really does with facebook around now?? Plus, I use my uni account for important things. So, I had emails that I never deleted from years ago. Yah.. i know.. i'm SO terrible at housekeeping. So sue me. :P

Well, I'm doing a major overhaul on my life right now.. the rest is all mostly done or on its way. I figured I'd might as well deal with the smaller minor details as well. Clear out any last remaining remnants of old garbage.. right? So, I came across this little ditty at the end of my mailbox. Almost completely forgot about it! So, I reread it... and had a little chuckle. Ya.. i totally just said chuckle lol I'm hardcore nerd styles like that. ;D Frig.. read it yourself. Hysterical, isn't it??! :D

Anyways, thought I'd throw up this piece of crap on here to muse over. Since this IS my site of thoughts, ponderings, musings, experiences.. etc. etc. And at the time.. I was really moved by this little bit. It's funny how believable it may have seemed back then... many many moons ago. And how words can blur your thoughts and decisions and opinions so much.. until you finally learn the real ugly truth.

You were right about one thing though. Any other love would have been far far better love than yours could have ever been . Believe you me when I say that. With the most honesty & sincerity I could ever possibly muster up.

And maybe I seem like a real bitter bitch for posting this. But I'm not. Honest. I'm only actually thinking about it cuz I just came across this as I was deleting all these old files & emails I've had from way too long ago. Do I owe you some decency? Nawwwww.. not at all. In fact... I probably deserve to hang you for your despicable deeds. I'll just post your gay poem instead. Do I still harbour feelings of anger? naww.. the anger's pretty much subsided. The disgust, however.. is still lingering on. Disbelief? Naw.. that's gone too. It's still pretty much just only pure raw disgust over here. Not sure what that even means.. you figure it out. The only thing that bugs me is that I have to see your mug all the time walkin' & drivin' by in my hood. Can you move already? C'mon meow. You have two babies to take care of now.... get a nice lil' house in a nice little area. FAR away from me. Could you do me that one last favour? If I could have nothing to do with you, your face, your name or anything about you for the rest of my entire life.. I would be so completely happy and tranquil. For real FOR REAL! :)

Ok.. Now that I got that off my chest.. I can continue on my little deleting spree.

Enjoy this wonderful little bit people.
Cheers! :))) .xoxo.


[ -- removed by moi. -- ]


[Sept. 24. 2011]
i removed the poem and crossed out what I wrote because I was in a very angry and hurt place back then. not to say that I'm taking back what i said and felt.. because I don't. at all. all those feelings were very real and most importantly, 100% justified. But I choose not to have such harsh hatred and bitterness in my life any more because it isn't worth it. and my heart doesn't need to be in such a dark place anymore. it doesn't deserve to be in those ugly shadows. so, i think it's time i lifted it out of there. :)