All her dreams are made of strawberry lemonade . . .

A Long December

Hey, it's me. :)

I feel like writing a rant up... but I never have enough energy to focus on these negative things anymore. But I will say something.

It's funny how people make bad choices and wrong calls, cowardly weak attempts or really nothing at all.. but then after all is said and done, they still point the finger at you. Failing to admit their mistakes and forever claiming to be the good guy in the grande scheme of things and the other people were the ones who wronged them. I've heard the story so many times that I've memorized it. Eventually, you reach a point in your life when you realize that they're just making excuses and molding the scenery to fit their needs so that their fault in all of it can escape it. Nobody wants to be guilty. Nobody wants to be the bad guy. But you think because you deny it and claim otherwise that you don't feel it deep inside? Or maybe they don't feel it deep inside.. I'm not in their shoes and I couldn't even begin to imagine what goes through other people's minds. And I'm most definitely not about to start right now.. I have my own mindless banter in my head to worry about. hehe

What's my point. I'm not sure I have one really. I'm not angry anymore. I'm tired of being angry and let down. I feel sad because I guess it's what one does when you care a lot for people who can't think about anything outside of themselves for one instant. Being outside the comfort zone. Taking what someone says and running with it because we're all right and they're all wrong. Right? err.. or something...

For those people, I honestly wish that the choices you make will bring you the happiness that you were seeking. I hope that the hurt you caused people in the interim was all worth it for you. Because if you got what you acheived in the end.. then I guess for you it was well worth it. And fuck everyone else's feelings. Because honesty and sincerity pale in comparison to immediate wants and needs. Isn't that how it is? When you're seeking highs from the instant gratification of passing things.. but then they grow stale and you need new highs. When you're life is so hollow that you need to fill it with enormous things constantly to keep you feeling full and satisfied.

But really.. you don't need these passing material things and shallow temporary feelings to replenish your life. Because, they are exactly that. Temporary. What you need is something bigger than you. You need larger things to fill your soul. It's what counts at the end of the day. It's what ultimately satisfies your cravings and more importantly... it's what stays with you forever.

I am not sorry for giving people the trust and chances I have in the past. Everybody deserves to be heard. Everybody. And I'm not sorry for walking away from them because you can try to brave a storm, but you've got to be some kind of idiot if you choose to live in one.


Anonymous said...

AMEN! Good blog. People suck all around you and you cannot be drawn into their drama. Sometimes you have to pack your bags and move on! Scary at times, but life is an adventure and you won't know what great things lay before you until you leave the past behind.