All her dreams are made of strawberry lemonade . . .

The Sun's Getting Cold, it's Snowing..

You know... I must admit.. I've been in a bit of a rut as of late.. and I'm having a really hard time with a lot of things. A really hard time. On how mankind is not a selfless being and is so enveloped in their own ego. The possessions of material wealth and expensive items. Of show and grandeur.. and a bunch of other things. Of looking out for our own best interest.. instead of holding out a hand to your dear friend. Showing signs of caring is weak.. being cold and detached is much better. It doesn't matter if you step on someone else.. use their feelings.. care less about their best interest.. for just a little bit.. as long as you benefit somehow... or maybe just to pass the time. It's only something small and trivial. It will not hurt them. They will not care. They'll go on just like the rest of us do. Who really cares about heart anymore these days. Who really cares about foundations of truth and honesty and love and respect. Who really cares about humility and sacrifice any longer.

I do. And some other people do as well... but it appears to me.. that these people are falling through the cracks.. because they are so grossly outnumbered by the hordes of other people out there.. ready to trample all over you at the first sign of advancement.. or ready to jump ship and abandon you at the slightest signs of distress...

And it saddens me to such a degree.. that I find it hard to face my everyday life. If you disagree with me, then I challenge you to prove to me otherwise because from what I have witnessed in these years of my life.. the exceptionally good (if not the relatively good) are very few and far between.

I do not make myself out to be some saint by any means. We all have our faults and Lord knows I have many. My biggest one is that I lack the motivation to pursue something with great intensity. And my second is my pride.. which often makes me unable to forgive so easily. Maybe that's my first. And I'm sure there are many others...

I'm not really sure where I'm going with this post. I know I have a lot of feelings right now.. and they are swarming in my head.. like the worst of raging storms I have ever seen. I don't know what to think or feel. I am overwhelmed with feelings of grief, sadness, disappointment, discouragement, anger, disgust .. only to name a few.

We are not important in the grande scheme of things.. and the sooner we realize this... maybe the sooner we will learn to be a more sensitive and caring being. Because I think it is vital for the survival of our entire race, that we change drastically.. and quickly. Because this survival of the fittest method.. will leave many behind.. and the fittest, will be very lonely at the top. And eventually die out. Leaving no one and nothing.

These are just my thoughts and feelings. And I know that I want to do so much.. and say so much.. because i feel SO much. And I cannot turn it off. I know I have to do something. But I'm not sure what. How.. or where.. and why? Because the feeling within me is greater than anything I've ever felt before. And call me delusional or sappy or pathetic.. but I do care. And something needs to change now.

So.. I'm going to get up and start doing something. And.. I sincerely hope that many others will take my lead and do the same.

We need to be better. Because.. we aren't. We suck. A whole lot.

And we should be ashamed of ourselves.

And I do not know how these people can go through life so effortlessly without feeling this deeprooted shame.. because I know I feel so badly for things I have done and wish to make up to errors.

And sometimes I have. And sometimes it works out for the best...
and other times... it doesn't.
and what you thought was a simple apology..... would lead you down a dark road that you never dreamed you would go down.

Right now I'm just rambling... and perhaps not making much sense to many.

So, I ask you this. Can you look at yourself in the mirror and be proud of the person that you are and all that you've done and how you have treated everyone in your life? For the choices you've made.

Basically.. I would like to send a wake-up call to everyone in the world. To re-examine what it means to be human.

Because if what I see around me today is what it means to be human.... well, then.. I can honestly say that this is a life I no longer want to live.

: (


Anonymous said...

Goodness starts within yourself. You cannot call others to change because everyone is good - to themselves and their loved ones. Few people will venture far outside of this zone to do good deeds for others just because they should. Most people do good things for others for a price - I help you because I know you will help me back. But we have to stop being that way. You should help others because it makes you feel good and it's something you want to do NOT because you expect something back from them.

Most people are not willing to live without for the sake of others. Look at Mother Teresa? Everyone knows about all the good she did but few if any would follow in her footsteps. If everyone GAVE without restraints, without expectation, all the time and to everyone, the world would be a utopia.

But we live in a Capitalistic world and Capitalism and Charity cannot live hand in hand. Capitalism tells you to HAVE, while Charity tells you to GIVE. They are opposites.

I hear you and feel your pain. I simply lead a good life, treat all people the way I want to be treated, help strangers, offer what I can to others without the need for reciprocation.

At the end of the day, you cannot be held accountable for the actions of the people around you. But you can rest assured that you will be held accountable for your own actions.

Change starts with one person. One small person. One step at a time. One foot in front of the other. It is through your actions that you will inspire others. But beware. Most will neither be inspired nor willing to change because change is scary and most people will not leave their comfort zones.

Giusi. said...

Very well said.

Then I will have to make small steps.. and turn them into larger steps and perhaps cause a ripple in this sea of life.

Anonymous said...

About a year ago, I was pretty a pretty angry girl. Resentful of alot, and disappointed in what I had done with my life and disappointed in those around me. And I got tired of being that girl. Since then, I've gone back to school, started running, became certified in CPR and first aid. And I've noticed that I'm not as angry at everyone else since I've become happier with myself. I think you are amazing and I'm so happy to be friends with you... and I look forward to seeing what amazing things you do in life.

Giusi. said...

awww B.. :))))
that was so sweet.
I think you are so amazing too. and such a strong and wonderful person and I definitely think you are someone people can take lead from and look up to.

and I hope my post didn't diminish my feelings and appreciation for those good people out there.. because the friends that I do have are so awesome and incredible and I wouldn't trade them for anything in this world. If it weren't for all of you guys (and my seriously amazing sisters who are my best friends).. I really don't know where I would be today.

David said...

Dear Giusi,
Considering we only know each other through an internet forum I can honestly say that it comes as a surprise that I care that you're angry and upset. I think it's just a testament to how wonderful you are.

That being said, people are jerkfaces. All we have to do is keep on being ourselves and live in our little bubbles of sincerity where we know that we're the ones keeping everyone else from stabbing each other in the dark. We can't all give up, I'm not going to and you shouldn't either!

Sure I'm not perfect and I'll always mess up, like anyone else, but I get back up and try again; never afraid to apologise.

I can honestly look in the mirror and be proud of that.

David said...

OMG the code I just had to put in to post that was Vuluva.

It made me crack up so hard after that little moment of seriousness.

Giusi. said...

haha yer a laugh David. and thank you. and I know you're one of those good people out there. and i'm honestly proud to know a some of those rare good people out there and can call them my friends.

I don't plan on giving up. And i'm inspired to do even better things.

I cannot think and explain as to why others are shallow, self-centered,egotistical people who cannot offer any goodness to their neighbours.. i can only concentrate as to why I am the way I am. And I am confident that I am a good person and have so much good to offer and will concentrate on that and do what little I can to offer what little help I can.
And with some hope that others will be inspire to pass on the goodness torch.

I feel a lot better.. and I thank you all for your comments.