you're making me crazy.

what are you trying to do to me? to do to me?
what are you trying to prove to me? to prove to me?
there's something you're not saying but your actions say enough
and i don't know what's really going on...

are you afraid of me?
are you afraid of me?

i leave a message every night but you don't call me
the only times we ever talk you're in a hurry
i know my reputation doesn't help you sleep at night
but lately baby i feel i don't know you...

are you afraid of me?
are you afraid of me?

i... i thought we were the same
but now you play this game
you're young
no fun
and you're making me crazy!

[ Are you afraid of me - Rooney ]

I've got a lot to say to you...

Yah.. i've got a lot to say.




Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone
Just the one, two I was just counting on
that never happens
I guess I'm dreaming again...

Let's be more than this.




...it makes no sense at all

...it makes no sense at all.

The Park.

Why should he come back through the park?
You thought that you saw him but no you did not
It's not him who'd come across
The sea to surprise you
Not him who would know
Where in London to find you

With sadness so real that it populates
The city and leaves you homeless again
Steam from the cup and snow on the path
The seasons have changed from present to past

The past
The past
Turns whole to half
The past

Why should he come back through the park?
You thought that you saw him but no you did not
Who can be sure of anything through
The distance that keeps you
From knowing the truth

Why would you think your boy could become
The man who could make you sure he was the one?

The one
My one
My one

[ Feist ]

Day one of treatment.

So.. i have to undergo this heavy duty drug treatment to get rid of this bacteria infection i have. fun stuff. i'm taking 3 different types of antibiotics.. 2x a day. fun stuff. they make me feel like total ass. I start today. It's only 10 days long. it's 60-75% effective... so, in 6 weeks i test again to see if it's all gone. wish me luck <3

p.s. Why can't I let go..?

It's an infinite world.... and I want you.

For you I want to sing the happier song
for you I'm gonna try to right all my wrongs
for you I'm gonna break my bad habits
there's a golden ring and I want you to have it
there's a golden ring and I want you

For you I'm gonna sit and patiently wait
it's great if you're early but if its fine if you're late
for you I feel love and I just want to show it
you're a beautiful girl and want you to know it
you're a beautiful girl and want you to know it
you're a beautiful girl and want you to know it
it's an infinite world and I want you

Once again I am opened
Once again I am opened

For you I'm waiting on the ticket line
I gotta get back I don't wanna waste time
but the people are tired and the line is so long
so all I can do is sing this song...

Gwen Stefani Concert Pix...

........are here.

Enjoy.

There were loads more.
but not that good.
too much shaking.
and i have videos.
but no space to upload them
so.. wait for them.
:)))))

goodnight.
*mUaH*

Who's fault is it anyways?

I'm feeling disappointed.
I feel a bit let down.
Cuz I can't seem to find the reason
why no one turns around.
And maybe it's my fault
and perhaps i am to blame
having such high expectations
and doing what's right seems all in vain

I see actions all around me
that just do not add up
I'm feeling pretty low about it
and i think i've had enough.
Dunno how to pretend no more
Dunno quite how to act
Cuz nothing's as it really seems
we're missing all the facts.

of lies and cover ups here and there
and i'm probably guilty too
but did you ever stop and think
that i was only protecting you?
but people will not rest so easily
needing fuel to add to their fire.
and in the long run what is it they get..?
a whole bunch of truths and them left as the liar.

I've lost, in the end, this battle
when it's all been said and done
cuz it's really myself i should blame
for handing you over the gun.
Control of my actions i have
though i never quite seem to know how
so, i try to make sense of the others
and i'm lost more than ever right now.

Everyone's guilty of selfishness
everyone's doing their part
in the game just to win the grande prize
even though we might break someone's heart.
Whether it's yours, or mine or theirs
there's always someone who gets caught
There's no use pointing fingers to blame
We're all left feeling somewhat distraught.

I'm aware that I choose what I'm doing
and it's obvious which things I should change
it's not quite as simple to do though...
when it's your whole life you need to rearrange.
So.. excuse all the mess and confusion
and pardon my lack of concern
while i clean up the wreckage around me
Just another life lesson i've learned.

This may never stop tearing out my heart...

Call me a safe bet.. I'm betting i'm not.

Mercy - BRMC

I met Gwen Stefani.

Yes. Yes i did. WEeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. hahaha At yesterday's Toronto show. I'm still kinda shocked. I'm not going to write this enormous blog giving every detail like some super crazed fanatics do *cough*hardcoremembers*cough*.. hahaha... cuz I don't consider myself a crazed fanatic.. although a HUGE fan.. I definitely am.. I've been a faithful No Doubt fan for about 12 years now. Seen NXD for each tour in Toronto and Gwen's show too.. (NXD > Gwen solo. for the record. hehe). This is my first time meeting Gwen.. I also met Stephen Bradley... he walked by and I got to take a picture with him as well.

Oh.. quickie version: I was kinda annoyed.. cuz we didn't get a proper meet & greet session like others have.. where they have a room set up and you go in and do yer stuff and get to talk..but hey! i'm not complaining. It's just that we didn't really get to talk to Gwen as much as we wanted. They had us lined up in a hall.. kinda lame. but she walked by and signed our stuff and we were allowed one photo afterwards. So.. she said hullo and signed my stuff and i asked her to sign my other stuff.. and she was reading my shirt out loud (i made it a while back when hollaback girl came out).. so.. she's like "YER MOM IS.. BANANAS..?? ? hAaaaaahaa that's so funnnny!!" and she laughed.. tee hee. i thought she might be offended by it. but i love my tshirt. and she did too. so YAY!!! : ))))))))

I was too stunned to say anything else. Honestly... it wasn't even starstruck really.. just that it all happened so fast.. and I had no idea how to talk and say stuff. I'm totally shy when it comes to meeting stars.........or anything really. I'M BEYOND SHY!! ahhhhhhhhhh haha like when I met Bif.. omg.. i didn't say anything. My ex had to pipe in with "My girlfriend loves you."... haha i'm so lame. *kicks self*... I think my friend Kurt was even starstruck.. haha but one of the harajuku girls loved his shoes. hehehe Gwen loved you cuz you were brown!!! hahahahaha lmao tee heehehe ;)))))))))))))) weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

She's so much teenier in person. I totally knew this already... but she was standing next to me now.. and she was wearing HUGE mother heels.. at least 6". SO.. there's no way she's my height without the heels. But it suits her. Cuz she's sooooooooooooo thin and petite. haha i know she gets mad when people say that. but she is. get used to it gwenny. haha

Anyways..... No Doubt is coming out with their new album next year and I'm beyond excited about it and i'm wondering what the sound will be like. ee e eeee eeeeee! The concert was soo freakin' amazing. I can't upload pix yet cuz i have NO room on my computer. I bought loads of memory for my camera and took hardcore videos.. they're all shakey. hahahahaha cuz i was a wreck. but too bad. : ))) That's it. That's all.

Gwen is too freakin cute and totally adorable and incredibly sweet and nice.
Yep.

: )))))))))))))

Betty & Veronica fans unite! This is an OUTRAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was reading my Betty & Veronica comic yesterday as usual.... and well, this one seemed to have this dandy little announcement page at the back.. Check this shit out.




WTF?? that's so UGLY~!!! I seriously hope they're not permanently changing them to look like that. The charm of their characters were HOW they looked. I've been a fan since FOREVER and i have the hugest Betty & Veronica comic book collection.. BUt i swear to you.. i will never buy another issue if they change them to look like that. New dynamic art??? fuck that shit. they can suck it!

*pissssssed*

lmao..
and there's my rant of the day. I'm going to write them a letter. haha but not quite as colourful as my blog was.. lmao ; )

Ciao <3

P.S. Tomorrow.. i am meeting... THE one & only... in person. AND i shall die of complete shock and nervousness. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Tell me where it hurts.......

What is my day going to look like
What will our tomorrow bring me
If I had x-ray eyes, I could see inside
I wouldn’t have to predict the future
I wish that you would do with some talking
How else am I to know what you’re thinking?
If only people would say what it really was
What it really was
What it really was that they wanted..

Tell me where it hurts
to hell with everybody else
All I care about is you and that's the truth
They don't love me, I can tell
But you do, so they can go to hell

Did they ever give you a reason
To believe in something different
If you’re looking for love, for what it's worth
I have plenty of it lying around here somewhere
If you are looking for disappointment
You can find it around any corner
In the middle of the night I hold on to you tight
So both of us can feel protected

Tell me where it hurts,
to hell with everybody else.
All I care about is you and that's the truth
they don't love me, yeah I can tell
but you do so, they can go to hell

I’ve been loved but I didn’t know how to feel it
And I’ve been adored but I don’t know if I ever believed it
I’ve been loved my whole life but I didn’t know how to take it
Until you…

So tell me where it hurts
to hell with everybody else
All I care about is you and that's the truth
they don't love me, yeah I can tell
But you do, so they can go to hell

But you do, so they can go to hell

Tell me where it hurts.......

[garbage]

edit: i switched the video. this is a much better quality of the brand spankin new video by Garbage. Check it out.

So much on my mind.

With all this health stuff going on recently.. I've really been rethinking things so much. I think I've been forcing so much stuff lately. When I really think I've been neglecting the most important thing right now. My well being. My soul. My heart. Etc..... I have so much repairing to do.. so much. Too much. The truth is.. I'm in no place right now to make any decisions and choices about stuff. And you know what? I don't have to. I've been fretting so much about stuff and worrying myself sick over here about all this shit that's going on in my life. Making mountains out of molehills. That's prolly what got me that trip to the hospital in the first place.

I need to relax a bit. Not think too much. And not worry all the time. And know that it's not the end of the world. My time will come when it's good and ready.

And ... I'm just not ready now.

And ... that's ok. It's perfectly fine.

And ... there's no rush.

: )))))



Black Rebel tomorrow night.
Hell. FUcking. Yahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
GRRRRR!!

Silly girl.

You don’t even know my name
You’ve got me on a ball and chain,
When you gonna notice me
God, you’re such a little tease

When you gonna finally land it on my lips
When you gonna give me just a little sip

You’re a honeybee, honeybee
Honeybee, you’re killing me

You don’t even know my name
I guess I ought to be ashamed
Going on the way I do
Watching you in everything
When you gonna give me just a little kick
Music in your heart and lying on your lips

You’re a honeybee, honeybee
Honeybee, you’re killing me

It’s hard to stumble in your harmonies
But just like nicotine and it gets complicated
You keep on pouring on the gasoline
And it’s the sweetest feeling, oh it gets me, gets me down

You don’t even know my name
How am I gonna reign you in
Tramping everything you see
You don’t own everything

When you gonna give me just a little hit
When you gonna give me just a little bit

You’re a honeybee, honeybee
Oh, honeybee, it’s killing me
You’re killing me, honeybee
You’re killing me, my honeybee
It’s killing me

[ honeybee ~ garbage ]

I'm not feeling too well....

day 5. The pain has seemed to dull a tad.. yet it hasn't stopped and I still can't eat or drink normally.

So..... what's wrong with me? I have no clue. Been feeling off since Monday of last week. Then Wednesday came around and I was starting to feel really sick. Disoriented, dizzy, faint, stomach ache, etc etc.. was at work and talked to pharmacist about it.. he did seem to think it was a bit strange. He just said to drink fluids and wait it out. So, I did... and then went home after work.. starting to feel a bit better. Went out that night and started to feel really ill again. But worse. I had to keep going outside for fresh air for fear of fainting or something. That was Wednesday night and it was really painful and uncomfortable.. but that too subsided. Thursday I woke up alright with very mild stomach pain and spent the day out and about. Had two tiny episodes later in the evening with some pain.. but other than that.. everything seemed alright. I didn't think much of it.

Friday I woke up and went downstairs to say my goodbyes to Carolina and Jim who were driving off to florida. We had some coffee and chit chatted and stuff. I kinda felt crampy... but nothing too major. Got ready to go to work..and my stomach was hurting again. So, I just got some green tea and continued on my way to work. Everything seemed alright.. I was just feeling off. But as the day progressed.. i started feeling worse and worse. there were times when I couldn't even stand up anymore. The pain was getting stronger and I was feeling so faint and nauseated. I spoke to the pharmacist about it.. he said I should go to the doctor to check it out as it wasn't normal that I was still feeling this after 3 days. So, I decided to visit my doctor on saturday. I went home after work on friday.. and was in so much pain.. i didn't know what to do. After many failed attempts at sleeping and the pain not subsiding.. I called the ontario telehealth number for some advice. When I told her my symptoms, she recommended that I see a doctor immediately.. within the next 4 hours... so, she advised me to go to the emerg. So.. I decided I would do that. I waited for R to finish work and he came and got me and drove me to Humber hospital up the road.

I waited for what seemed an eternity in the waiting room until they finally called me in. I might as well have died in there or something.. When they finally got me in.. they scheduled me for an ultrasound and i had all the run of the mill blood work and urine tests done. funnnn.. and then they hooked me up to an IV.. which i later found out had dope in it. the next day.. around 11:30am.. the Dr. came to tell me that all my tests were normal. They couldn't find anything wrong. and that maybe I had a virus and it passed.. and he pressed on my stomach and asked if I had any pain.. in which case I didn't.. since i was kinda sorta drugged up. :-/ So.. no. I had no pain. And i was discharged.

Went home.. slept it off a bit. Woke up. Voila! Lovely stomach pain is back. Nausea and pain and all that great stuff. Can't eat. Can't drink. It's just wonderful. I was contemplating going back to the hospital and hurling a bunch of insults at the bastards.. but hey.. that wouldn't really fix anything. So, i kinda decided to wait it out overnight. I didn't get a wink of sleep last night. It's the most uncomfortable pain ever and I just can't lay down or rest or anything. It's so awful. This morning the pain is a bit better. The nausea isn't as strong. And I'm thinking MAYBE.. it might get better. In any case, I really wish I waited and went to my own family doctor on Saturday instead of going to the hospital. They didn't give me any answers and I feel that my family doctor would have been more thorough and plus he knows my history. He may have been able to help me better. But seeing as it's the long weekend.. I'm going to have to wait til Tuesday to pay him a visit. I'm hoping that the pain won't last that long.. because this is getting a bit out of hand. I haven't eaten/slept/drank in like 3 days now. I look like a bag of shit and i feel so much worse than that. :`((((

I just want this pain to stop. And if anyone has any information or ideas on what's up.. feel free to share your comments and shed some light on this situation. I'm gunna go be my sickly self in bed again.

Happy Victoria Day weekend everyone......

Home.

You can't alway pick the dog you find
maybe i wasn't what you had in mind.

I can love you, I can love you, I can Love you a lot, Yeah ha..
I can love you, I can love you, I can Love you a lot, Yeah ha..

I'm here and I wonder if I'm lost
cuz I can't seem to understand the way I feel.
I'm not here to be a creep.
I'm just feeling incomplete.
Take me home.

If I wasn't here I wouldn't mind.
But it's you up there and I"m so far behind.

I can love you, I can love you, I can Love you a lot, Yeah ha..
I can love you, I can love you, I can Love you a lot, Yeah ha..

She says I'm the one she really wants
But I'll never be the one that she needs.
I'm not here to be a creep.
I'm just feeling incomplete.
Take me home.

I can love you, I can love you, I can Love you a lot, a lot, a lot.
I can love you, I can love you, I can Love you a lot, a lot, alot.

She says I'm the one she really wants
But I'll never be the one that she needs.
I'm not here to be a creep.
I'm just feeling incomplete.
Take me home.
Take me home.

Only when I lose myself....

It's only when I lose myself in someone else
That I find myself
I find myself
It's only when I lose myself in someone else
That I find myself
I find myself

Something beautiful is happening inside for me
Something sensual, it's full of fire and mystery
I feel hypnotized, I feel paralyzed
I have found heaven
There's a thousand reasons
Why I shouldn't spend my time with you
For every reason not to be here I can think of two
Keep me hanging on
Feeling nothing's wrong
Inside your heaven

It's only when I lose myself in someone else
That I find myself
I find myself
It's only when I lose myself in someone else
That I find myself
I find myself

I can feel the emptiness inside me fade and disappear
There's a feeling of contentment now that you are here
I feel satisfied
I belong inside
Your velvet heaven

Did I need to sell my soul
For pleasure like this
Did I have to lose control
To treasure your kiss
Did I need to place my heart
In the palm of your hand
Before I could even start
To understand

It's only when I lose myself in someone else
That I find myself
I find myself
It's only when I lose myself in someone else
That I find myself
I find myself

Let go....

drink up, baby down
mmm, are you in or are you out
leave your things behind
'cause it's all going off without you
excuse me, too busy you're writing your tragedy
these mishaps
you bubble wrap
when you've no idea what you're like

so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

it gains the more it gives
and then it rises with the fall
so hand me that remote
can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow

such boundless pleasure
we've no time for later now
you can't await your own arrival
you've 20 seconds to comply

so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

[ frou frou ]

What if....

Here I stand alone
With this weight upon my heart
And it will not go away
In my head I keep on looking back
Right back to the start
Wondering what it was that made you change

Well I tried
But I had to draw the line
And still this question keeps on spinning in my mind

What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know

Many roads to take
Some to joy
Some to heart-ache
Anyone can lose their way
And if I said that we could turn it back
Right back to the start
Would you take the chance and make the change

Do you think how it would have been sometimes
Do you pray that I'd never left your side

What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know

If only we could turn the hands of time
If I could take you back would you still be mine

'Cos I tried
But I had to draw the line
And still this question keep on spinning in my mind

What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
What if I had never walked away
'Cos I still love you more than I can say
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know
We'll never know

Concert Listings

Upcoming shows I'd love to go to.. but I'm too broke to go.. or have no one to go with.. or all of the above.
: ))))))))))

p.s. Happy Mother's day to the mommies. *mUaH*

________________________

Damien Rice

Massey Hall, Toronto, ON
Fri, May 18, 2007 08:00 PM

________________________

Bright Eyes

Massey Hall, Toronto, ON
Tue, May 22, 2007 07:00 PM


________________________

The Faint

The Opera House, Toronto, ON
Wed, May 23, 2007 08:00 PM

________________________

Econoline Crush

Johnny B Club, Whitby, ON
Fri, May 25, 2007 08:00 PM

________________________

Black Rebel Motorcycle Club

Kool Haus, Toronto, ON
Sat, May 26, 2007 08:00 PM

AHHHHHHH.. i'm so going to this. FUCKING HELL YAH!!

________________________

Skinny Puppy

Kool Haus, Toronto, ON
Tue, Jun 5, 2007 08:00 PM

________________________

Rufus Wainwright

The Danforth Music Hall Theatre, Toronto, ON
Mon, Jun 11, 2007 08:00 PM

________________________

About a gurL.

I was really bored today. I really enjoyed the soundtrack to the movie "The Holiday" (the movie itself was pretty damn amazing. ) Especially this one song called Cry. I was thinking of how it would a nice background song for a life movie. So, because I was THAT bored today.. I made this mini-movie-slideshow of sorts with the song in the background. It's very personal to me.... so, don't be hatin'! haha

Unfortunately.. the quality of the video is incredibly downgraded when uploaded onto any other servers due to the compression. I do have a good version on DVD which my sister was kind enough to burn for me (which my sisters will all get copies of). It's super cheese. Super vain. Super silly.. and super me. So.. enjoy! (and yes, i'm aware there is a photo that's duplicated in the video. I didn't notice until i was done. And the track is slightly effed up at the ending because.. remoosh gives me bad songs. that bastard. hahaha i'm kidding. it's just effed up. and i didn't notice it had that at the end.. until i was already almost done editing. so, tough titties. i'm not changing the song.)


Lights... Camera.. ACTION!!!

Sadly we remain to see...

Rach: Couples fight. It's rare for us, but it does happen, and it's not the end of the world. So he did something stupid and pissed me off...I've pissed him off on more than one occasion as well. That doesn't mean I regret moving here or I'm ready to leave him or something.

Giusi gurL: yah for sure. people who say you don't fight.. are nuts. and just don't care enough. relationships are work.

Giusi gurL: and when you love someone.. you want to work on it. and you fight. and you work it out and get past it : )

Giusi gurL: being in love .and choosing someone.. means that.. you're willing to stick it out with that person.. through thick and thin..and willing to fight and bicker over the problems.. to get to the good. because you want to be there. and it's worth it in the long haul.

Giusi gurL: people who think something is simple.. are delusional. and don't know what sacrafice is. and if you haven't been in a love where you haven't had to fight and sacrafice...

Giusi gurL: well, then you've never really be in a real love.

Giusi gurL: in my opinion.

Giusi gurL: : )


_____________

excerpt from a conversation i was having with my friend about love and fighting. Some things are worth it. Some are not.

Find the person who it's worth it for.

And make them feel like they're worth it.

Eat me, Drink me.

Oh yah. I indeed got the leaked copy of Marilyn Manson's new album (which won't be out til June 5th).

'tis good. Maybe I'll share with you...

maybe.

<3


P.S. Nutella is way too delicious for words.

A long & overdue letter.

Sometimes you really lose sight of things.. and the road ahead of you is a little cloudy.

Ok... Maybe a lot cloudy.


And maybe it's been that way for a very long while. Because maybe all along even though I've wanted to blame someone else for all the wrong because it was easier that way. .. it was really just me all along.... rewriting the same script over and over again in a different setting with its own distinct cast. But the truth of the matter is, I just do it to myself.

As much as I'd love to put the entire onus on you for why things didn't go the way I would have liked, the truth is.. we were doomed from the start. Not because of you.. but because of me. And for that, I am truly sorry. I'm positive it's nothing but a distant memory in your mind and perhaps even completely faded away by now. And that's ok. You never stood a chance.. because the truth is, I never gave you a chance. Not fully and completely like you deserved.

Yes yes.. we all know the story and the things you've done.. but putting that aside.. I don't think it's fair I judge you solely on those things because despite those dark and negative things, I know there was something completely amazing and bright about you. Which is why I loved you to begin with. and why I could never possibly hate you. ever.

I guess there's so much to say but not nearly enough easy ways to do so. And this is just me writing in my blog... this is just me emptying the cobwebs from this dark and cluttered mind that have been stashed tightly away for far too long . Not sure what I'm accomplishing by this. Whether or not the eyes intended to read it actually read it, I guess maybe I'll never know. But maybe just saying it out loud is enough. For me anyways. For now. I guess we'll see...

I sincerely wish you nothing but the best in life.. all the luck and love in the world.. and so much joy and happiness in your future. Know that I am harbouring no negative feelings, resentment or anything of that nature towards you.

I know I owe you nothing. Just like you owe me nothing. And I hope from here on in, that everything is Kool. That's it. That's all. Goodnight. :)

Love always:
~G.

Weird.

Everything. Right now. Just really bizarre... and I'm not sure what's wrong.. but it's just really weird.

I'm wondering if I'm the only one who feels it.

One of those moments where I just kinda want to pick up and leave.. and disappear for a moment. For a few moments. For a long moment.......


Yes. I really do think I'm overdue for some serious hardcore R&R.

Gotta pack my bags.. gotta leave this place.
Gotta clear my mind. Walk right out of this race.
Cuz I can't keep on going at this hectic pace...
Gotta figure it out and gotta do it with grace.
; )))

Rawr.

(no. i'm not nekkid. you pReverts!)

Ciao. .xoxo.
*mUaH*

I don't like playstation ...

..........but I'm willing to make a small exception if you want to buy me this. Yep.

It's pretty damn sexy. Rawr.


P.S. The Wii kicks everyone's ass. That's a fact.

You ain't seen nothing like me yet....

When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one there to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong

I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling down the avenue
There's nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging on the rollin' sea
And on the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing like me yet

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
To make you feel my love

[ to make you feel my love - b.dylan ]

Stay up til 4 in the morning..

Blahhhhhhhh... insomnia kicks my ass everytime.
and thoughts run rampant through my sad and tired mind.
and lately it seems like it's always the same scene
being played over and over again on some sort of repeat

just how much control do we have over our choices
and can you alter the paths by loudening our voices?
when you have no idea of what lies ahead of you
never sure, never knowing of the things you should do.

guarantees, there are none. it's a risk all around
and the stakes are real high... so much shit going down.
you can't pick, unless you know. there's no choice but to try
hesitation. bad decisions. my emotions running dry...

there's a track you have to keep on.. push ahead.. and keep on going
leave behind the chance of greatness.. there's no way of ever knowing.
but you tried. and you've cried. and all hope has dimmed this time
with every reason and every season that you phrase into your rhyme.

but never once can i catch a glimpse of what is going on inside
and to be quite honest over here, i think you're taking me for a ride.
it's always riddles and it's always this and it's always not really defined.
it's so much easier to hide behind your loss, and continue being blind.

so.. i stay awake. with randomness. and many thoughts all gone awry
as i question everything you do. and every reason why..
cuz i just don't buy it that easily.. and maybe i'm just all wrong
or maybe i've just seen the things i've wanted to all along....

Nokia wins. Gwen loses.

i FINALLY bought a new cell phone today.. since I lost mine a week ago. Go me. I went back to my trusted brand.. NOKIA.. since they are simply the best phones ever. End of story. It's not even up for discussion. My first two cell phones were NOKIA's and i've NEVER had a problem with the hardware. My LOVELY sister even ran over my phone once.. and it was still in tip top shape.. granted.. i needed a new face plate.. lmao.. but still.. phone was perfectly fine. : ) anyhoo.. Motorola's can suck my ass. Especially the V551.. which is the worst piece of shit model ever made. You have NO idea how many times I've had to repair that crappy thing. UGH.. and apparently it's not just my phone. Seems to happen a lot to those models. And you know what? I really despise flip phones I've decided. So, Screw you flippy phones!!! I'm gunna stick to my ultra cool and chic new NOKIA cell that kicks serious ass. AND.. i have Wheel of Fortune on it.. come on babes.. it does NOT get better than that. BOOYA. check out this bad boy.. hahaaha *stolen*. . :P


It's pretty damn adorable and funkified.. and I'm happy about it. Yes I am..

K.. moving along. I'm so dead tired. I've worked EVERY day this week.. that includes my all day union steward training monday-tuesday.. and worked wed-fri. AND.. last night I had the pleasure of working all by myself.. for 5 hours. Lemme tell you what a TREAT that was. oh yah. i was ready to stab someone. repeatedly. IN THE FACE!!! ugh.. you have NO idea. bdwrer83ur38ur.. GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

okok.. i'm done. i need to go chillax a bit before i go mental on someone. pshaw... tomorrow i'm gunna party it up in oshawa.. my sister's bday partay. olé!!

lemme end this off with a link to Gwen Stefani's new video. Now, let me tell you what I think. You have NO idea how much I love this song. This song and Early Winter are my favourite tracks off the album (Wonderful Life a very close second).. so, I'm quite disappointed by the video. I just think the song is really sad and they could've done SO much with this video.. actually put a storyline to it. and not just have close-ups of Gwen Gwen Gwen.. the entire time. Don't get me wrong.. she looks absolutely STUNNING in this video. beyond gorgeous and beautiful. WOW! but seriously... ok GWEN .. i know you announce to everyone how VAIN you are all the time.. but man....this is so shit.. cuz the song is kinda fluff.. but it's personal and sad.. and you have the ability to get go crazy with creativity when making a video.. and i was expecting to see a little bit more drama.. a little bit more of a story.. a little bit more .. SOMETHING?? anything. really now.. I'm sure everyone else will bash me on this. but i don't care. it's a cheap video. and you just cheapened the song.. in my opinion.

Anyhoo, Here's the brand spankin new video of 4 in the Morning by Gwen Stefani:

---> [[[ if video doesn't work, click this link ]]] <---

K.. I'm off. I'm Gone. Happy 420 you nukka faces.. *mUaH*

much love:
~g.

I can't sleep....

I'm feeling so much better today.. but something's off.
I just can't put my finger on it...

Either way.. I'm damn proud of myself for doing something I've never ever done in my entire life.. even if the outcome wasn't as positive as I had hoped.. but hey! It's ok. It's alright. It's cool.

It was my little sister's bday today. Happy bday groovylu!!! partay on saturday. get yer drinking hats on. you know i'll be ahead of you all in that one.. haha. apparently.. i *drink a lot* (*cough*jackass*cough*).. cuz i go out and drink with friends once a week.. sometimes twice.. & i have a drinking problem? How about you go shove it up your ass? I'm a student. With no kids. It's what we doooo best. BOOYA! hahaa.. I'm totally kidding. But seriously, I'm not gunna lie.. i like having a beer in my hand when I'm out with friends. If that makes me an alki.. then OOOH WELL. you jealous whore faces. haha keeding. i love ya all. FOR REAL <33>

I lost my cell phone. I'm so distraught over it.. :((((((
Please email me your phonenumbers again. I need them!
I should have another phone by this weekend. I hope...

Insomnia sucks the bag. I even tried having some warm milk. Does that shit actually work? old wives tales.. pshaw.. lol.. anyhoo, I'm gunna have another go at that thing they call sleep. Ugh.. me and my big mouth for offering to take that morning shift.. seriously.. I need to be smacked or something. *smacks self*.


goodnight. ;)))

Big mouth strikes again!

I was so beyond smashed last night. SOOOO not a good idea. SOoooo bad and wrong on every level. Bad judgements etcetcetc. Impaired thoughts/actions. And screw drunk dialing.. how about drunk emailing? haha that's even better right? Yah.. i thought so. I think i'm going to skip the country for the next little while. If you can't reach me.. it's cuz i'm hiding under a ROCK for the next few months. *dies* Thank you to my fellow friends for your encouragement to do so. *scowls at you* hahaha... but seriously.. it's ok. I needed to get it off my chest cuz it's been too long. and i couldn't go on hiding it any longer. win or lose.. you have to choose. and i did. there you go. it's all on the table now. what if's .. what if's.. what if's act as such a hindrance. craziness..

I fell too. Sure.. cuz flying down a flight of steps in the rain, in heels.. is always fabulous. Right? SURE!!..so, upon reaching the bottom of the steps.. i twisted my ankle.. and smashed my knee. really good. it was bleeding all kinds. cut right through my jeans. although i didn't notice how bad i was hurt until this morning. once my head wasn't aching anymore. OH.. and the best part?? I lost my fucking cell phone. Yes. i Did. Don't know if i left it at the club or in a friend's car. I have no idea. it's GONE. and i just repaired it the other day. GREAT. it makes me happy. excited. thrilled. oh yah. it's good times indeed.

I have these courses i have to take for work.. all day tomorrow and tuesday.. up in woodbridge. so not looking fwd to it. ....... he said for comfort. that's what he said. and maybe he's right. and maybe that's why. yet i still can't walk away. and maybe deep down i really know.. but it's comfort. it's comfort. and it's there. and i like it.

Mini eggs are pure evil.. on every level. Indeed they are.

Everyone needs to watch this because it's funny as hell. FUNNY as HELL.

Mistakes we knew we were making.

And all our sins,
Come back to haunt us in the end,
To hang around and tap us on the shoulder,
And smile silent,
It's all implied,
You'll die trying to live this down,
You might as well forget it,
Still I'm convinced,
Wondering what if is the worst thing there is,

So we bottled and shelved all our regrets,
Let them ferment and came back to our senses,
Drove back home and slept a few days,
Woke up and laughed at how stupid we used to be,

And all these lines fall short of what I had in mind,
A failed attempt to capsulize a feeling,
So I just try,
Fail and try and try again,
Someday I swear I'm going to get it,
Because I'm convinced that giving in is the worst thing there is,

So we bottled and shelved all our regrets,
Let them ferment and came back to our senses,
Drove back home and slept a few days,
Woke up and laughed at how stupid we used to be,

We'll get over it,
Sad, strong, safe, and sober,
We'll move forward,
And know where we went wrong,
But you can't go home again,
You can't go home again,
You can't go home again,
You can't go home again,
You can't go home again!
You can't go home again!
You can't go home again!!!

So we bottled and shelved all our regrets,
Let them ferment and came back to our senses,
Drove back home and slept a few days,
Woke up and laughed at how stupid we used to be.

(Straylight Run)

HA! I don't look like HER!

I NEED THIS.

Also available in PINK.


If you love me.. you will buy it for me.

Better if it's a bass geetar.

K, thanks.
:)))))

Laziness sets in...

So, now that school's done, I'm supposed to be frantically searching for a summer job and kicking it into high gear to get myself a summer job. That doesn't seem to be happening. In fact.. I kinda just wanna sit back and sleep it off for a few days. Is that so horrible? Sure, everyone will tell me it's ok to relax a bit now that school's over and done with. But I assure you that my financial situation shall suffer greatly as a result of this.

In fact.. I've decided to keep partying to a minimum and I'm actually not going out at all this week.. except for the weekend (birthday plans and such...). With all this free time and no extra work, I'll be very easily swayed into spending more than I'm making. Then.. bye bye tuition money.

Being overstuffed from Easter doesn't help much. But I have to say, this family function went a lot smoother than usual and I had a great time. No fights or scuffles. NO SOUR MOODS. Can you believe that? None! Everyone had a great time and it was just overall fantastic. Plus, everyone was able to be included... (basically, my sister was allowed to bring her partner with her. Talk about making record breaking history!!) SO, it went fantastic and I'm very pleased with it. I've decided that I really like my sister's gf and that she'll fit in just fine. : )))
*cue applaud and tear jerking sappy music.*

Bahaha.. if you know my family.. and how extremely opinionated and ..ermm.. "eventful" we can be, then you would know that this is a really good thing indeed. Also, thanks Carro for the most amazing dinner. Your lasagna was SOOO good. And my tummy hates you for all the delicious food you made!! : ))

So... I'm gunna carry on and be a lazy sloth and maybe take a nap.. or maybe not. Or maybe watch a movie. Or maybe I'll sit here more.. or maybe take a walk in this WONDERFUL WINTER WONDERLAND we've been having. Seriously.. what the hell is up with this insanely arctic weather we've been having as of late? Snow on Easter is just what everyone wants.. isn't it? It's to make up for the lack of White Christmas I guess...... i guess!. pshaw. i hate cold.

Hope everyone had a wonderful Easter holiday. :)
much love:
~g.

High Expectations.

Me and Marc were discussing these study results that were posted in the paper the other day. Basically, it said that people with lower expectations were happier.

How exactly are they measuring this? And do I need a PhD to figure this out? I mean, OBVIOUSLY if you're not striving towards something and don't expect something, you have nothing to be disappointed with.

Anyways, our discussion went all over the table and we've agreed that there's absolutely nothing wrong with having high expectations. High expectations does not mean "unrealistic" expectations.. let's just get that out there right now.

You're worth it. You know who you are. If you have high expectations for yourself.. then why settle? Cuz lemme tell you, I've seen a fair amount of people settle.. or rather.. not care. Because they basically have no expectations. And.. hey. .. that's great for them.. But don't tell me I'm not as happy because these are the things I want.. and in the meantime, I don't intend to date a bunch of in between guys that barely even make the cut.. (no.. i don't mean that supermodel guy with the ferrari and million dollar job. those are superficial things. i'm talking about more fundamental things that mean so much more than that.)

Obviously there are exceptions to this.. as with everything else. Sometimes you can compromise or go around certain things.. but it depends on the situation and how much of an issue the problems at hand are and if they can be helped... then you can kinda wait around and see if there's possibly a chance. Who knows.. people might sometimes surprise you.

So many people are stuck on this *needing* a partner by their side. So, they don't have high expectations because they just want that person to be there. Well, I'm sorry.. but I'm not that person. I was never one to care if I had someone or not. I don't *need* someone in my life. I'm fine and dandy on my own. I have a lot on my plate and have my own stuff I need to focus on. I'm not living my life for someone else. I'm living my life for me.

It's not always all about me. I love my family. I love my friends. They all are important to me. But when it comes to my plans in life, it IS about me. Why shouldn't it be?? And if i hold such high expectations for myself, why should I accept anything less from someone else? I wouldn't be content with someone who wasn't on the same page as me.. but isn't that everyone? It just seems logical to me.

There's too much to talk about on this topic.. so, I'm just going to end this here. Feel free to comment and add your own input. I'm curious to hear what others have to say on the subject.



I don't want to fit into this predesigned mold.
I'm going to make my own shape.
However warped and disfigured it may appear to the rest of the world.

Broken Telephone.

Seriously.. if anyone's trying to get a hold of me

don't text message me..!!!!! cuz my cell fone is completely busted.
i can't read shit.
i can't even turn the power on.

IMPORTANT:
Leave a MESSAGE if you need me and
PLEASE LEAVE ME YOUR FRIGGEN NUMBER!
I've had people leave me messages but I can't call them back
cuz i don't know their number by memory..
they're all programmed into my phone.
and.. yah. well, .. you get the picture...
haha

SO.. too bad if you think I'm ignoring you.
but i have no other way to relay msgs.

I seriously need to start writing people's numbers in a phone book.
a PAPER one.
the good old fashioned way.
hells yah.

On another side note.. that's not all that's busted up.


My knee is totally fuct up and i'm limping around...
ever so graciously.

THANK YOU crazy pscyho rep team. I appreciate your cunning shots on goal..err.. to the players limbs/faces.


I have an exam tomorrow. Why the fuck am i still up?

Night!
: )))

________ poetry corner________


By today. By tomorrow. Never knowing where I'm going.
Ever cautious. Ever glowing. Every frowning. Never showing.
Out or in. I'm just the same. As all you do. Each every part.
You'd think I'd learn my lesson well. Keep going right back to the start.

I Blame you. I blame me. I blame the past. of yours and mine alike.
I blame the time. I hate the time. Cuz timing has to be just right.
I see no difference. I see no change. I see the sun shine each time i see your face.
I call you twisted. I call you worse. But I'm just as bad for staying in this race.

en garde!!

A penny for your thoughts...

I used to think I'd give anything to know what you were thinking.

But now I'm not so sure anymore.




They say people aren't mind readers...


They say.



Lately, I'm thinking that I might just keep that penny for myself.
Spend it on something much wiser than you.

Everyone is damaged.
But some aren't repairable.
Some don't want to be fixed.
Some like to be broken.

Some like to stay broken.

Some are a lot like you.

...

Bruises, Cellular Smash-ups & Scherzo.

I am SO beyond exhausted right now. I had my wind symphony concerto today. It went very well. Thanks to everyone who came out.. and for R who parked way down in butt fuck idaho and jogging to make sure he didn't miss my show. Punctual as usual......... teehee. i'm just buggin you. Thanks so much for coming out!! :))))))

My favourite piece this term was this student piece called "Scherzo".. by Louie Madrid Calleja. AMAZING! what a nice change from last year's student piece which was absolutely the most horrendous thing I've ever had the misfortune of ever having to play.. the audience's ears were bleeding. haha and no, I'm not lying. it really was *THAT* bad. Anyways, you're very fortunate to get to listen to it!! No.. not the shitty piece. the GOOD one..
: ))) hehe

This isn't actually us playing it... although I did happen to get it on video but I'm not sure if I'll be able to upload it or not. This is the premiere of it. The sound isn't the same as ours was today because the acoustics in our recital hall are much different than this church.. plus, our symphony is much larger than their ensemble. But definitely check it out. It's a really beautiful piece and I loved playing it. Definitely one of my all-time favourites.



After our symphony recital, I had to rush home and have dinner and then rush off again cuz we had our game. and what a mess it was!!! I was completely exhausted not wanting to even play.. but it's a damn good thing we even showed up because NOBODY did and they were about to forfeit! SO basically.. we were JUST enough players - 5 on the field and the goalie. and i had to stay on and i was going to die! I'm like.. "are you fucking kidding me??" here i am dying cuz i had barely any sleep.. out til the wee hours of the morning all weekend..full rehearsals all weekend and this morning and then the concert.. and now i have to play the entire GAME??????? *dies*.. luckily.. two other players showed up later on and we were able to do some switches. But oh.. the fun doesn't end there. We were playing a rep team. (rep team = experienced/sponsored/pro team) and since we don't have enough teams on our league, we need to play one rep team in the season. and hey! this wasn't just ANY rep team.. this was a pretty "SPECIAL" rep team. They were out to kill or something. I've never seen anyone kick the ball SO violently in my life. I have the imprint of the ball all up my right arm.I I'm not kidding. my wrist nearly ripped off.. with lovely indents and red markings all across it.. And my right leg is looking pretty spectacular and PURPLE all the way up and down.. MmmHmm.. pretty sexeh!!.. oh yah.. and one gurl violently body checked one of our players with FULL force.. and i was like "HEY!!!" and the ref blew the whistle on her.. and she turns and is like "what...?? she threw herself in front of me!"........ umm. OK?? yes. she THREW herself under your forceful elbows and arms that were coming down onto her at full force when she wasn't even near you. RIGHT. SO.. yes, needless to say they were playing very dirty and were being very underhanded. Our league is only recreational and they were really out of line and then whining and crying when the ref called them on all their shit. I hate when people have POOR sportsmanship. It ruins the game for everyone else. Sure you wanna win.. but at the end of the day you're just out there to have a little fun and play some ball. Not to spill blood.. :-//////

Anyways.. as if my day wasn't already jam packed with all sorts of goodness... my cell phone smashed onto the floor and ........... isn't working now. Isn't that FABULOUS? I think it is. Pretty darn hilarious and stuff.. yah.. umm.. i'm gunna go shoot someone now. lol.. but seriously, I'm waiting on calls for job interviews so, now I have NO idea what I'm going to do.. because you see.. I'm due for an upgrade in THREE weeks. I refuse to pay to repair my (fucking piece of shit motorola v551) cell phone when I'm getting an upgrade in three weeks. THREE FUCKING WEEKS! you piece of shit phone.. you just HAD to fall apart on me JUST now.> UGH. haha man, as you can imagine.. I'm in quite the lovely mood. hehe The other great thing is that i didn't save my phone numbers into my SIM card.. so, now i have NO access to absolutely NONE of the stuff on my phone. OH GREAT. this makes me so happy in my pants. you have NO idea..... *cries*.................... lol I'm gunna beg and plead with Roger's to have them let me upgrade sooner. i mean.. COME ON! it's just THREE weeks.. in a two year contract.. does it REALLY MATTER??? pshaw.. i have lots of friends who work at Roger's..so, maybe they can pull some strings for me.. Hrmmm.... On that note.. If i had your number before.. you might want to email me it again.. since i don't HAVE it anymore.> GOOD TIMES!!!!!!!!!!

Anyways, i have a shitload of stuff to do.. which includes studying for my last exams. and then i'm DONE for the summer. BOOYA! that's two years. DONE. how fabulous is that? Time sure is going by quickly. I'm excited about that. : )))))

Wish me luck.

*mUaH*

Arctic Monkeys.

they're pretty fabulous. unfortunately.. i'm missing their concert. cuz.. it's sold out. there are a few concerts i'm missing... cuz of time/money/etc...
Taking Back Sunday is thursday night... *cries* and the Used (taste of chaos tour) is on friday!! damn you people.. i LOVE TBS and i'm so broken up about that.. Placebo and Feist...(on the same night of BRMC).. damn damn damn! it's just too unfair.

i AM, however, going to the BlackRebelMotorcycleCLub concert. so, get yer tickets and join le posse and let's tear that shit up.. hells yah. they're a great band and you should check them out. boooyah.

anyhoo, back to my original topic.. the arctic monkeys are pretty damn fab.. and this is one of my fave songs of the moment. it's actually a cover of the Girls Aloud song.. but they do it much better. trust me on this one. yep yep.

check it out:

Retro Romance.

Lullaby a la No Doubt StyLies

I need to own this. It's terribly cute.
This shall be my new night time CD.
and maybe one day.. my babies will have nightmares from being forced to listen it a thousand times over and over and over again.
tee hee
:))))))))))))))

click on the pic above or here to have a listen
or to order yer own copy today.

much love:
~g.

p.s. exams are seriously kicking my ass. hard.
p.p.s. My WIND SYMPHONY Concert is next Sunday.
Be there. or be square. it'll be fabulous.
<33333

A Big FAT Rant.

It's dead!!

Dood. My computer friggen DIED on me. it's totally and completely DEAD. I'm so fucking broken up over it. Ugh.. I really hope I can retrieve the data on there still. This blows fucking chunks. I can't even afford to get it fixed even if I wanted to.

I'm sneaking time on my sister's laptop.. since she never lives here anymore anyways. HOBO. GRrries.

Work was a tad weird today.. how come I get the feeling that some things were said? I dunno.. maybe I'm just reading into shit too much.. but by the comments I was getting it's hard not to think that. I hope I'm wrong. I would be seriously unimpressed.

Buonanomastico a me. (that means it's my saint name day, you hobo faces. happy San Giuseppe day!! hehe). My dad bought zeppole and force fed me them this morning. greatness. and then i had this insane tummy ache for the rest of the day. pretty fabulous if you ask me.

K.. i REALLY need to finish this paper SOON.. and I mean.. soooooooooooon.

Here's a great oldie video. Good times.

Alkaline Trio.

I don't talk about them enough.
Therefore, I'm dedicating this entry to them and my love for them <3


They rule your face off.



Matt Skiba is kooLer than you.



My favourite song by them:
Blue in the Face.
(there's no real video for this song.
Excuse the gheyness of this fan video...)

Enjoy.

I miss you, come back.

It's been a three year hiatus with Gwen going off on her own and doing the solo stuff. Well, I'm sick of it. They need to get back together already. Grrrrrries!!! It's been far too long.

I know they're working on their album that won't be released until next year.. but that's too long to wait. *sigh*

I miss No Doubt.
:(((((((

:)